Chaos and confusion are not the same things. Chaos is the
energy we create when we have a need to be needed, when we want to
make ourselves feel important, when we are trying to convince
ourselves we are not important, and when we need something to
do. Chaos looks confusing, but it is not confusion.
Chaos is a cleverly disguised way of saying, "I know what to
do and you don't!" Or, "You know what to do, so
please rescue me!" Or, "Get out of the way!
I'm in control here!" Or, "There's something else
I need to be doing, but I can't do it now because I'm busy
creating chaos!" Confusion, on the other hand, is a
mental and emotional response to the failure to admit what we
really want, because we are afraid we will not get it.
Confusion is an experience of having the brain shut down.
There is a barrage of information coming at you, and you can't
figure out what is real from what is unreal. The natural
response is a perceived experience of not knowing what to
do. Well, that's impossible! You always know what to
do because you have a divine connection to the One Mind that knows
everything. Confusion is about the mental and emotional
outgrowth of knowing exactly what to do, and having this knowledge
clouded by the belief that you are not good or smart enough to do
it. This is augmented by the fear that if you do it, you
might not do it right, or that if you do it the way it needs to be
done, somebody will get mad at you.
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The natural response to
this self-defeating mental chatter is for the intellectual mind to
shut down. The result is what we call confusion.
There was a time in
my life when I was very confused about why I couldn't sustain a
lasting, meaningful relationship. It seemed as if I would
never have a fulfilling or lasting relationship with a man, and
that friends would always betray me. I told myself that it
wasn't my fault, and that I had done the best I could in every
situation. I finally retreated into the self-debasing
judgment that there was something wrong with me. As confused
as I was and damaged as I believed I was, I kept dragging myself
in and out of relationships and friendships. The confusion
eventually spread to my career. I could never seem to figure
out what my supervisor wanted. I never seemed to do anything
right. From there, the confusion spread to my
finances. I could not figure out why I never had enough
money, why I kept bouncing checks. Where was the money
going? I was putting it in the bank.
Confession is another important step toward the elimination of
confusion. I confess, I was not willing to ask the men in my
life for what I wanted because I was afraid they would leave
me. I confess, I was not willing to tell my friends when
they were overstepping their boundaries because I thought they
would be mad at me. I confess, I was not handling my
finances with attention and care because I thought there was never
enough to do what I wanted to do. I confess, I believed I
was ugly, too fat, not smart, unworthy, unvaluable, and a
disappointment to my mother and God. The result of not
confessing these things to myself about myself and taking healing
steps toward correction was confusion. The final straw came
when I lost my car! No, it was not stolen. I lost it
in the parking lot. I parked it right under the big letter
C. When I returned from my shopping expedition, it was not
there. It took me forty-five minutes to find my car right
where I had parked it--under the big letter F. F stands for
fog. My brain was fogged by my unwillingness to ask for what
I wanted.
Until you are ready to admit to yourself exactly what it is that
you want, you will experience confusion. Until you are
willing to ask for exactly what you want in life, from any
situation, or in your relationships with other people, you will
experience confusion. The confusion will not subside until
you honestly believe that you deserve what you want; that you are
entitled to the experience of what you want; and that, if it is
for your higher good, you will eventually have exactly what you
want. In order to move out of confusion, you must be willing
to be still long enough to get in touch with what you really
want. This can be a pretty frightening experience,
particularly when there is negative self-talk and negative chatter
going on in the mind. You can alleviate this kind of
disruption with self-affirming thoughts and actions. Once
this is done, and you identify what you want, you must be willing
to mentally and emotionally ride out the experience of admitting
what you want. Stop worrying about how and when it will
happen. Realize that you can have in life only what you are
meant to have. Everything you receive is for your growth and
healing.
Once you have admitted what you want, consciously take steps
toward the realization of that experience. Do and say the
things that are a reflection of your desire. Do not settle
for something you know is a reasonable facsimile of what you
want. Hold out for the real thing to show up. Ride out
your dream. You will know it when it shows up because it
will meet every aspect of what you have said you want to
experience. In the meantime, keep affirming yourself.
Be willing to admit when you make a mistake. Ask for help or
support when you need it. As you move toward your goal and
gather new information, realize it is never too late to change
your mind. As soon as you realize the need to make another
choice, admit it to yourself, and then do it.
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