are born with an empty data bank that has to be
programmed. Many of us are hindered in our
asking for and getting what we want by the negative
and limiting beliefs we have taken on from our
parents, teachers, churches, peers, and the
media. We can become constricted and even
paralyzed by this parental and cultural conditioning.
are taught that it is better to give than to receive;
that if he really loved me, I wouldn't have to ask;
and that being needy is a weakness. We have
learned from our failures and our traumatic
experiences in life that if you don't want too much,
then you won't be disappointed; don't expect too much
from men like your father; and it is safer to keep
your mouth shut and appear the fool, than to open it
and remove all doubt.
a result of the negative, painful, and shameful
experiences of our childhood, we become afraid to
participate, afraid to go after those things we truly
want and desire. We become afraid of rejection,
looking foolish, losing face and being vulnerable and
hurt by others. As a result of those fears, we
become passive. We settle for less than we
really want and we sit in judgment of others who are
getting what we want. We don't have the courage
to ask for or the self-discipline to create. We
end up using all of our energy to protect ourselves
against boogey men we have created in our minds
instead of using those energies to create what we
face fears such as the fear of rejection, the fear of
looking stupid, the fear of being powerless, the fear
of humiliation, the fear of punishment, the fear of
abandonment, and the fear of endless obligation.
to several recent studies, only one out of three of us
has high self-esteem. "Look to your right
and look to your left. Only one of you is
okay!" is the standard line we use in our
seminars. One out of three! We are
suffering from a national epidemic of low self-esteem.
of us feel unworthy of love, happiness and fulfillment
and inadequate to create the kind of life we
want. We suffer from inferiority complexes,
neurotic guilt, and a lack of self-confidence.
As a result, we don't believe our needs and wants are
important and worthy of pursuing. We become
codependent from our belief that other people's needs
are more important than our own--especially the needs
of men, our children, our aging parents, our boss, the
homeless, and the needy. We sacrifice our own
fulfillment on the altar of taking care of others.
of us, especially men, get stuck in our pride.
We become too arrogant to admit we need anyone or
anything. We will not stop to ask for
directions, advice, or help. We are convinced we
need to do everything ourselves--usually perfectly and
usually on the first try--or we risk the loss of
respect, friendship, and our own sense of adequacy.
~ ~ ~ ~
of the benefits of knowing how, when, and whom to ask
for everything you want: fewer disappointments
in relationships, more effective team efforts at work,
cleaner negotiations at the bargaining table, the
money you need to start a business, fewer fights with
your parents and children, the extra instruction and
support you need, less suffering in the silent despair
of loneliness, and the causes you support receiving
funding they need to continue their good works.
Literally a whole new world can open up to you and
everyone you care about.
can ask for a hug, comfort, listening, forgiveness,
attention, time, intimacy, caring, respect, love,
nurturing, a massage, healing energy, prayers, an
explanation, loyalty, sexual fidelity and a 100
can ask for a helping hand around the house, a favor,
someone to keep a secret, help with your homework, the
loan of a sweater or jacket, private tutoring,
information, help with a project, your kids'
cooperation, someone to baby-sit, swimming lessons,
money for the movies, participation in a car pool,
help with a flat tire, the loan of the family car or
compliance with rules.
wait until everything is just right. It will
never be perfect. There will always be
challenges, obstacles, and less-than-perfect
conditions. So what? Get started
now. With each step you take, you will grow
stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and
more self-confident and more and more successful.
you want is out there waiting for you to ask.
Everything you want also wants you. But you have
to take action to get it. The time for dreaming
is over. It is time to get up and start asking
for what you want. Start slowly and build up;
jump right in and start with bold and outrageous
requests. Either way is fine. Do what
feels right for you. Just get started.
happiness. Creative fulfillment. Professional
success. Freedom from fear--and a new promise of joy
that's yours for the asking. We have the ability at
our fingertips to achieve these things. It's the
Aladdin Factor: the magical wellspring of confidence,
desire--and the willingness to ask--that allows us to make
our wishes come true. The Aladdin Factor helps us by
pinpointing the major stumbling blocks to asking--and
teaching simple techniques to overcome them. With
inspirational stories about people who have succeeded by
asking for what they want, this book shows us how to turn
our lives around--no matter what kinds of obstacles we