How to Make People
Like You Instantly
Dale Carnegie

  

I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office at Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York.  I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job--weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts--the same monotonous grind year after year.  So I said to myself:  "I am going to try to make that clerk like me.  Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him."  And I asked myself, "What is there about him that I can honestly admire?"  That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy.  I instantly saw something that I admired no end.

So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked with enthusiasm:  "I certainly wish I had your head of hair."

He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with a smile.  "Well, it isn't as good as it used to be," he said modestly.  I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent.  He was immensely pleased.  We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was:  "Many people have admired my hair."

 

I'll bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air.  I'll bet he went home that night and told his wife about it.  I'll bet he looked in the mirror and said:  "It is a beautiful head of hair."

I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards:  "What did you want to get out of him?"

What was I trying to get out of him!!!  What was I trying to get out of him!!!

If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return--if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.

Oh, yes, I did want something out of that chap.  I wanted something priceless.  And I got it.  I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me.  That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.

There is one all-important law of human conduct.  If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble.  In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness.  But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.  The law is this:  Always make the other person feel important.  John Dewey said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said:  "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."  As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals.  It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.

You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact.  You want recognition of your true worth.  You want a feeling that you are important in your little world.  You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation.  You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, "hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise."  All of us want that.

So let's obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.

How?  When?  Where?  The answer is:  All the time, everywhere.
   
   

One of the best known motivational books in history: Since it was released in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold more than 15 million copies. Carnegie’s first book is timeless and appeals equally to business audiences, self-help audiences, and general readers alike.  Proven advice for success in life: Carnegie believed that most successes come from an ability to communicate effectively rather than from brilliant insights. His book teaches these skills by showing readers how to value others and make them feel appreciated rather than manipulated.

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There are those who give little of the much they have--and they give it
   for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
There are those believers in life and the bounty of life,
and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving,
    nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks,
    and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

Khalil Gibran

   

  

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Those who think they have nothing to give should remember that
they can always give themselves, and that they can always render
some kind of service even if it be nothing more than a few words of cheer.

Lowell Fillmore