I have been approached by many people over the years who
have become so embittered and filled with righteous
indignation over what they experienced by being mobbed,
bullied, or similarly mistreated that they have turned
individuals. They became stalkers, judgmental,
hypervigilant, and even mobbers by engaging in the same
kind of behavior that caused them so much trauma, and all
in the name of justice.
Most people do not do anything without some sort of reason
or justification for what they do. People can engage
in reprehensible conduct towards others fully believing
that they are dong the right thing.
Others use negative experiences as justification not to
move forward with their lives. They blame others for
their present condition though the people and situations
that caused them distress are long behind them.
In all these situations what is focused upon is the
negative experience and its impact which perpetuates
negative energy. The only way to combat evil is with
This does not mean that when confronted with negativity
that positive people do nothing. What it does mean
is that the actions that are taken, whether internally or
externally are positive, based upon truth rather than
deception. Otherwise the negative feelings and
actions of others become internalized, part of the
person's reality and behavior.
Over time, some have become extremely ill due to not only
the stress of situations but also the stress of not
letting go of the situation. They are either
unwilling or unable to shake the filth of the experience
from their shoes and move on.
are a number of reasons for this. The person may
have adopted a victim mentality, may feel guilty that they
were unable to prevent or protect themselves from the
experience and may feel powerless as a result. Even
if the other person makes some sort of gesture to
reconnect, the person may reject the opportunity either
from fear, suspicion, or mistrust.
People who use justification in negative ways are
impossible to help, until they are ready. They will
resist or reject any form of positive suggestion, choosing
the position that whatever happens they will never get
over it. The pain becomes more powerful than any
possibility of ending it. They choose to give their
power over to fear, uncertainty and doubt, and allow it to
is sad to watch people destroy themselves with anger,
resentment, or even righteous indignation that is
maintained over years.
It is sadder still to watch them use the internalized
negativity to label and stereotype other people and
situations, even using positive concepts from a negative
base, never seeing that the justification for this is
flawed by their own perspective.
Saddest of all is to watch them contaminate the
perspectives of others with this type justification, never
realizing that they are doing more harm than good.
To take responsibility for our own existence, our own
perspectives, values, and beliefs, is one of the most
difficult lessons in life. Yet we must or we will
forever be at the whim of uncertain fate, continually
reacting to the words and actions of others.
It is also important for us to know when to stop trying to
convince someone of something that they are unwilling to
accept, whether we believe they are on a destructive path
or not. We may simply not be the right person at the right
time or are not able to speak in a language that person
can hear deep within and understand.
Sometimes the people we want most to save are those who
are the least able to hear us. We can get caught up
in feeling responsible for the choices of others when it
is not our burden to bear.
Each of us has a mission and people whose lives we are
able to touch in a positive way. None of us is
capable of saving everyone, but each of us is able to save
someone. There is someone who is intended to save us
as well. We are all interconnected in that way.
Knowing when to step in and when to step back is part of
treating others and ourselves with dignity and respect.
Insight and awareness is the key to that knowing.
Actions based on that inner truth need no justification
for they are simply an expression of who we truly are.
Have a Great Day and be good to yourself. You deserve it!
Gail Pursell Elliott, "The Dignity and Respect
Lady"; Innovations "Training with a Can-Do Attitude"™
Box 552, Roland, IA 50236-0552; 515-388-9600; 515-231-8828
cell/voice mail www.innovations-training.com;
Promoting Dignity and Respect, No Exceptions.