my confidence—are much better today. MUCH better.
So what changed?
Was it outward circumstances? Did my environment change and with it my inner experience?
Somehow I knew that any changes would have to be
from me. It would be an inner transformation that would eventually
alter the outward experience.
Some of the things I did unconsciously.
were done with deliberation.
First and foremost, I removed myself from people
who had been particularly critical. By distancing myself from this
criticism, I was able to gain a better perspective. I was
perfectly capable of taking my own inventory and didn't need
someone else pointing out my errors and keeping me focused on my
myself in good books—books of inspiration, books that increased
my belief and books that gave me hope. And hope was severely
A good therapist helped me to see myself in a
better light. Because he wasn't emotionally involved in my
problems, he was able to see things differently. He would often
point out that things weren't nearly as bad as they appeared to
I made a conscious attempt to focus on my
strengths: my talents, my experience and my knowledge. I didn't
allow myself to indulge in negative thoughts. When I found myself
musing about something less than "uplifting", I would
redirect myself to something else. I gave myself no permission to
have "pity parties."
I took to heart Thomas Carlyle's advice when he
wrote, "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a
distance, but to do what clearly lies at hand." I kept busy.
I did what appeared to me as needing doing. I didn't know exactly
what I wanted to do or how I was going to do it. The future was
uncertain and for the first time in my life I didn't have a plan.
Like the AA program, I took one day at a time.
And each day I did what I could to clean up my
messes, make things better, keep my focus forward instead of
backward and keep the faith.
It was my faith in Universal Spirit that helped
me get through this winter of discontent. I believe that everyone
has a unique purpose and I was determined to discover my own.
doesn't make junk.
One of the biggest awareness' I had during these
dark times was that I WAS NOT my feelings. I HAD feelings, but
they were not me. I also realized that I had cared too much about
the opinions of others. I still care; I just don't let it run me
like it used to.
believe that if you feel good about yourself, you'll do great
things. That may be true, but I also believe that if you do great
things, you'll feel good about yourself—and then do even greater
Taking these steps consistently over a period of
years has enabled me to rebuild my finances, establish a career
I'm excited about, develop a loving and committed marriage and,
most importantly, restore and improve upon my self esteem. I'm
grateful for the process.
Self-esteem is an upward or downward spiral.
What you do affects the way you feel. How you feel affects the
things you do. The things you do affect what you and others think
of you, which in turn, affects how you feel about yourself.
You're either building yourself up or tearing
yourself down. There is no status quo when it comes to your
© Copyright Michael Angier & Success Networks
Michael Angier is the founder and president of Success Networks.