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If Microsoft Built Cars

(This is a supposed report. We give no guarantees concerning its truth.)

At a recent computer Expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 100 miles per gallon."

Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:  "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

Here are some more reasons we may not want Microsoft in the car business:

1.  Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just have to accept this, restart, and drive on.
3.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine.  For some strange reason, you would accept this, too.
4.  You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT."  But then you would have to buy more seats.
5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6.  The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7.  The oil, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8.  New seat would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9.  The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before deploying.
10.  If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
11.  Some fuel from some stations would work for your car, but other fuel from other stations would cause it to freeze up.

 One-liners

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry.  Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to
end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
world's population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Eat right.  Stay fit.  Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be
the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all
day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek,
that's a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.  A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of
12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

We have some inspiring and motivational books that may interest you.  Our main way of supporting this site is through the sale of books, either physical copies or digital copies for your Amazon Kindle (including the online reader).  All of the money that we earn through them comes back to the site in one way or another.  Just click on the picture to the left to visit our page of books, both fiction and non-fiction!

You Might Be a Caffeine Addict If...

Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.

You've ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning.

You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.

Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia. 

You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee. 

Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.

You've ever used the airplane's Call button just to get a coffee refill. 

You can't remember the last time you blinked.

The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.

Your dog's name is Folgers.

You see nothing wrong with using water joe (caffeinated water)
to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze. 

You could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food,
as long as you had enough coffee beans with you. 

You dip your own espresso beans.

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