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Today's
Meditation:
Becoming
a step-parent was one of the most important learning
experiences of my life. I started to find that many
of the things I thought should change in my step-children
were things that really didn't matter at all. I had
bought into a lot of the "shoulds" of
parenting-- kids should be in bed at a certain hour, they
should spend a certain amount of time on homework, they
should be what and act how adults think they should be and
act.
All
these thoughts on my part, though, didn't allow them to
make their own mistakes and have their own victories and
experience their own learning. I found that by
letting them alone to be themselves, I was allowing them
to make their own discoveries of what worked and what
didn't work in their lives. I was allowing them to
open doors that needed to be opened and to close the ones
the didn't serve them well.
And
all this time I found myself changing. As I observed
this process I was able to let go of my desire to change
them. I put myself in a position of being there to
help when they needed it, but not of being there to tell
them what to do and how to do it. And I became
happier because I allowed my perspective to change rather
than continuing to try to change them.
We
all want to help our kids, but kids are wonderful and
resilient creations who are able to find their own ways in
life and their own roads to joy-- if we change ourselves to
allow them to find their ways and encourage them to do
so-- rather than trying to push
them into what we think should be their ways.
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