Hello,
and welcome to our penultimate issue of March,
2025. We
sincerely hope that your month has been a fine one
so far, and that
you're able to end it in wonderful ways over the
next week!
Those
who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who
encourage more than criticize. -
Elizabeth Harrison
Live a
balanced life--learn some and think some and draw and paint
and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
-
Robert Fulghum
Leave
all the afternoon for exercise and recreation, which are as
necessary as reading. I will rather say more necessary
because health is worth more than learning. -
Thomas Jefferson
If you will call
your troubles experiences, and remember that every
experience develops some latent force within you, you will
grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances
may seem to be. -John Heywood
Here
we are again, up in central Wisconsin, with the goldens
watching those pesky squirrels out the window with
intent. Another R&R retreat, just in time.
Winter can be so overwhelming at times, with darkness and
cold. I am anxiously awaiting some new green growth
and blue skies.
Being on retreat allows me the time to withdraw and be
still, and to be with all the things I try to practice on
a daily basis. Patience, mindfulness, gratitude, kindness
and my breath. The virtues I need to instill in my
life. When I look and see how trees behave, they
teach me patience. The birds, wind, and snow teach
me how to be aware and mindful. Watching my dog being
playful and loyal at the same time keeps me in
wonder. As for the breath, oh well, that goes
without saying. All these things keep me humble, and
I am so grateful to be alive.
I
try to start my day with a nice hot cup of coffee to shake
off the sleep, then visit my daily inspirational websites
to get an emotional kick start. I am very grateful
that this wisdom is that my fingertips. I sit myself
in front of a window and watch nature, that wonderful
world just on the other side of the glass. It's got
all the answers, I just need to ask the right
questions. Maybe, just maybe, then, I will have a
good day, no guarantees.
My
journey started 21 years ago. My life as I knew it
was chaotic, habitual, and empty. "Hitting rock
bottom," as they say. I didn't know how to live
or how to love. I had an addiction, an addiction
that stole my young life. then one day, one very dark day,
I was pulled from despair by a power greater than
myself. It was not a conscious decision on my part.
I
had entered rehab and then long-term aftercare. At
that time I had to start over, changing my old PEOPLE,
PLACES, and THINGS. I had to learn how to live
again! The new PEOPLE, PLACES, and THINGS that
appeared in my life were nothing short of
miraculous. Nature took the place of my unknown
fears. PEOPLE taught me how nature heals.
PLACES I went for the healing experience, and the THINGS
that happened, showed no fear. Put mindfulness
meditation into the mix and now I had a practice.
Mindfulness has really become mainstream in the last
decade or so. It started to interest me early in
recovery, I thought if I would just still my mind for a
minute, I might be able to create a little peace.
And it worked, a little! I pursued this practice and
started to read whatever I could, from the likes of Thich
Nhat Hanh and Jon Kabat-Zinn. I learned how to find
a "sit spot" and meditate in nature with John
Young and Mark Coleman. I learned how to let go and
to be one with life and to "live life fully"
from my friend Tom Walsh. And my goldens with their
unconditional love.
I am currently reading a book called, Rewilding:
Meditations, Practices, and Skills for Awakening in Nature, by Micah
Mortali. The author talks about a
lost connection with nature, and how we as a species can
reconnect with nature, the environment, and the Earth
through mindfulness practice and awareness. Just
another wonderful resource I hold dearly. The world
is full of these amazing connections, that I would have
never imagined existed.
Here is an example of Micah's wisdom: "Dwelling
in the present moment, I know it is a beautiful moment.
"When you are truly present and allow yourself to
experience life exactly the way it is, rather than how you
think it should be, the miracle of the moment shines
forth. The more you practice mindfulness, the more
likely you are to appreciate the simple wonders of life on
Earth--a beautiful sunset, a cool breeze, the smile of a
stranger, a hug from a loved one, a crisp apple.
Rather than focusing on what we don't have, mindfulness
encourages us to focus on what we do have. When we
practice mindful breathing, we are continually reminded
that we are alive, and that we have this breath, and in
this, we can be content. Isn't life itself the most
fundamental thing we possess?" I don't think
Micah could have said it any better.
I know these spiritual authors and their knowledge and
teachings, were put in my life for a reason. I just
have to BELIEVE. Of course, there has been, and
still are, countless others that expanded my awareness and
helped me make changes in my life that took meaning for
me.
I remember taking a job as a maintenance director for a
beautiful non-profit organization. An opportunity to
change things and to help people who visit there. It
was very rewarding to help people who were seeking
something greater than themselves. Later, I became a
land manager for a hundred acre camp property in the
Midwest. This gave me the opportunity to work with
children that would come to experience nature, to learn of
the trees that supported our breath, to observe the
wildlife that roamed freely and watched flowers displaying
their beauty. Nature at its finest. That led
me to take a Master Naturalist course at a local
University extension. Another learning experience, the
"I must know" part of me that was eager to come
out. It was a start of something huge. I was
being pulled to the Mysterious, the Wonder, the Awe.
Being in those environments was probably the best eight
years of learning that I ever experienced.
Through
the lens of mindfulness, I started to regain a new faith,
I started to learn the nature of everything, including
myself, it worked! After living most of my life with
the shutters closed, it was definitely eye opening.
I have been married to my soul mate, Sharon, for the last
18 years. I never thought that two people with so
much in common, yet so individual, could spend a
like-minded life together. We do everything side by
side, it is always wonderful to get support from someone
who shares the same passions. Yes, another gift of
recovery, and Life goes on.
Sharon and I had an opportunity to go back to The Center,
that non-profit organization. With 78 acres of
beautiful forests and a landscape of spiritual content,
also a lodge to host luncheons and retreats.
We offer and facilitate mindfulness day retreats and other
programs. Every Sunday morning we have a meditation
and conversation hour with great attendance. A
little practice of mindfulness with the like-minded
group. A bit of peace? I think so.
I have to remember to take a short minute or two or ten,
to quiet my mind. My friend Tom Walsh reminds me
that many years ago:
"Blaise Pascal said that 'all of our miseries result
from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone,' which
implies that we do not feel comfortable being alone with
our own thoughts."
Tom also reminds me that "our thoughts frighten us,
because when we do sit alone in a quiet room, we sometimes
find ourselves thinking things that we don't necessarily
want to think--but that we need to think if we're ever
going to work our ways past the fears and insecurities
that those thoughts might imply." If I follow
this instruction, my soul will surely thank me.
Now, all that said and done, doesn't mean that every day
is just going to be perfect. Far from it! I
believe life is a practice. We wake up every day
hopefully with an intention to make the best of it, and if
not, maybe we gain just a smile. I have to practice
to make my day more than just fiddlesticks, and hold on to
that smile (if that is all I get), until someone is gifted
by it.
I have learned that you have to give it away to keep it,
so what am I holding on to it for?! So, if these
simple things are here in my life to sustain me, I must
have to share them.
Mindfulness is a way of life for me. Life is not
always perfect, and that's why they call it a practice,
and practice makes perfect. I believe that just
being present is a great gift, to be present for others,
and to be present myself.
So whenever I sit on a cushion, take a long walk, eat
mindfully, or just observe nature, wherever I'm at, I am
sustaining my life. I have to be patient, loving,
humble, and honest, and everything will eventually work
out "naturally. . ."
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non-fiction!
Infuse healing energy into yourself, into your
being. For too long, we've been attached to
things that drain us, exhausting our body, depleting
our soul. That time has passed.
The world is a spa, a nature retreat, a wealth of
healing resources. Pour Epsom salts and
essential oils into your bath. Sit quietly by a
tree or in a garden. Walk around the block in
your neighborhood. Spend an afternoon in a
nearby park or a day at the lake or beach. Throw
stones into the river while you sit on the bank
contemplating the eternal stream of life. Allow
beautiful music to quietly imbue the stillness with
healing instead of the pounding of your mind.
Light a fire and awaken that darkened hearth to
glowing flames and soothing warmth.
Rise from your bed early in the morning. Open
the curtains. Watch the sunrise. Let it
infuse you with its message. Let it energize
you, invigorate you, fill you with life. At
day's end return to the window. Or step
outside. Watch the sun set. Absorb its
changing colors spreading out beyond the
horizon. Feel how it changes the earth and all
it touches.
Pet a puppy, stroke a piece of velvet, listen to a
symphony. If you can't slow down long enough to
absorb the energy the first time, do it a second and a
third. Absorb revitalizing energy until you can
hear your voice, hear your heart tell you what would
feel good, what would bring peace, what would bring
stillness and joy. Before long, doing what
brings healing and joy will become as natural as it
used to be to do what drains, tires, depletes, and
exhausts.
It isn't enough to draw near to the light.
Absorb
it into you. Let it charge you and change you
with its energy and its power. Healing is all
around you. Wherever you are, whatever your
resources, healing, energy, and joy are there.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
We
need to teach highly
educated people
that it
is not a disgrace to fail
and
that they must analyze
every failure
to find its
cause. They must
learn how
to fail intelligently, for failing
is one of the
greatest arts
of the world.
Charles F. Kettering
Becoming a Gifted
Observer
Part Two:
Interpreting
What does it mean to me to be a "gifted" observer?
Mostly, it means that I've learned to see things that other people
may not see, that I've learned not to look away from certain
things too early, and that I've learned to interpret what I see as
well as possible--and that I recognize that my interpretation may
or may not be accurate.
We've all had the experience--some more
often than others--of simply dismissing something that we see
because it's something we've seen a thousand times before, and in
doing so we've missed something very important. In fact,
none of us can truly know just how many times we've actually done
this, because we've missed what we should have seen.
The television series Scrubs
wasn't the best show ever, but it had some very good
episodes. One that stuck out for me was an episode in which
two of the doctors had been talking to the same patient for
several days, never actually paying attention to the words she was
saying. By the end of the episode, they both realize at the
same time that this woman had been talking about committing
suicide. They were so caught up in her medical issues that
they hadn't thought at all about any possible psychological
issues, so even though all of the clues they needed to make
certain connections were there, they were unable to recognize
them.
I fall into the same trap as a
teacher--sometimes I get so caught up in academics that I don't
see certain things that are non-academic. It might take me
several days to notice that a student has significantly changed
his or her behavior. I often attribute the wrong
explanations to certain behaviors, too. "He's certainly
having a bad day today" could be more accurately explained in
any number of ways, including loss, abuse, frustration, a broken
relationship, etc.
The danger is that if I off-handedly
attribute a simple explanation to certain behavior, I may miss the
opportunity to learn more about someone's issues. If I
simply tell myself, "He's acting differently today; I think
I'll watch him more closely"; or even, "He's acting
differently today; I should ask him what's up"; then I can
actually learn more about what's going on and possibly even help
him.
As a gifted observer, I'm less likely to
say to myself, "I've seen this before, so I don't need to see
any more." I'm more likely to say to myself, "I've
seen this before, but I'm going to try to observe more anyway just
in case it's not the same as the other things I've seen.
The
ultimate value of life depends upon awareness
and the
power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival.
Aristotle
When
we're looking at the world around us, it's easy to see it the same
ways that we've seen it our whole lives long. This is one of
the ways that relationships hit troubled waters--we stop seeing
the new and the different in the people we know, and we always see
them the same. Of course, some people always offer us the
exact same face, with the exact same stories and jokes and the
exact same ways of reacting to things, so we're hard-pressed to
see anything new in the person.
But over and over again, we see examples
of what happens when people see a new side of someone. That
old guy next door who's always rather short to you may become a
sweetheart when your three-year-old granddaughter is around, or
when someone's walking a cute dog. Sometimes the truth of
the matter is that we don't see new sides to people because we
stop looking for them. We stop asking interesting questions,
we stop looking for new experiences to share, we even stop
contributing as much to the relationship as we used to.
When we start taking people for granted,
we've also stopped being good observers. Taking someone for
granted means that we no longer consider this person to be new or
unique or even valuable to us--in many situations, we may have
completely stopped observing the person at all. Someone we
take for granted may be having a down day and we may not even
notice unless they're actually crying or experiencing deep
depression. When this happens, it's not the fault of the
other person, but it's completely our doing, for we've stopped
being observers who notice the nuances of situations and people.
If the things of this world neither
delight nor threaten us they are
often dismissed,
ignored, or simply missed. The tree outside
our window,
made familiar by time,
no longer appears to offer
anything to attract our
attention. We fail to notice the
texture of its
leaves, its changing colors, its growing and
aging, the way the sun
reflects on its leaves. We believe we need something
more stimulating
and exciting
for it to be worthy of our attention. In learning to
stay
in the present, we discover
that it is the power of our attention
that makes all things
worthy.
Interpretation
is a very important part of observing in a gifted way, and the
paradox here is that we become better interpreters when we stop
trying to interpret. Why is this? Well, the truth of
the matter is that whenever we start to interpret, most of the
time we're actually projecting our own feelings and probable
causes onto situations. Projection is extremely
common among human beings, and most of us do it rather regularly.
I recently made an inquiry about
something to do with the place where I live. The person I
had asked gave me a very curt response that didn't even come close
to answering the question I had asked--and this went on twice
more. Three times I got a response that was very defensive
on his part, and that didn't answer the very simple question I had
asked.
Finally, I wrote an email out of
frustration that said look, answer the question--I need to have it
answered. He replied by telling me that I shouldn't send
such angry emails.
The funny thing was that I hadn't felt
any anger at all when I wrote him the last email--just a whole lot
of frustration. I felt a need to get to the point and really
demand an answer that I had already requested three times, quite
politely and courteously. He saw my words and attributed
their source as anger; he wasn't seeing them for where they really
came from, which was a sense of frustration. I replied to
him telling him just that: there was no anger in the email
at all, but a whole lot of frustration. The only explanation
he could see for my email was anger, but the truth was that anger
wasn't playing a part in it.
Of course, a gifted observer in his
position would have noticed a problem when he received my second
email, which said basically, "Thanks, but you didn't answer
my question." And a truly gifted observer would have
answered my question the first time, because that person would
have seen the meaning and purpose behind my initial email.
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure
you are. Let me learn
from you, love you,
bless you
before you depart. Let me not pass
you by in quest of
some rare
and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you
while I
may, for it may not always be so.
Mary Jean Irion
If
I'm an arrogant observer rather than a gifted one, then I'm going
to think that all of my interpretations are accurate. After
all, I've lived quite a long time so far and I've learned a lot,
so when I see something, I most certainly should know how to
interpret it, right?
The truth is, though, that my
impressions--and especially my first impressions--are very often
wrong. I'm not perfect, and I don't see every aspect of
every situation, so my perspective is necessarily limited.
But if I keep in mind that the world of
today is much, much different than the world I grew up in, I can
also keep in mind that what I see isn't necessarily what I think
it is. That young girl who's looking sad may be the victim
of cyberbullying, something that never, ever happened when I was
young because there was no Internet or social media. That
young person who's always on their phone may just be hopelessly
addicted to the screen, and not just rude. Whenever I
attribute a possible explanation that comes from my personal
experience to someone else's behaviors, then I'm not being an
observer at all--I'm simply being judgmental. An observer
would watch more to try to understand better.
I really would like to be a gifted
observer, and I'm constantly trying to be better at it. As I
work on it, I try to keep in mind that my perspective is always
limited, and that I'm doing much better for myself and others if I
try to learn answers rather than trying to provide answers and
explanations. After all, I want to learn from life, not tell
life what I think it is or should be.
If all we
ever offer is blanket
praise without any meaning
behind it, kids
will always seek
approval because they'll never
feel satisfied. If we
offer
genuine encouragement for
their accomplishments, they
won't need our approval;
they'll approve of themselves.
Kelly Bartlett Encouraging Words for Kids
What I Would
Do
Will Beebe
If I were as
young in years again as I still am inside,
I should make me a list of a
few things to do before I die:
To go at
least once clear around this jolly world.
To live with
"savages" and in jungles now and then
and learn how splendid they are.
To ride and
read and shoot and play and study and think
and be silent with such
enthusiasm that every moment
of unnecessary sleep would be a crime.
To live so
fully that most people would seem dead on their feet.
To own a
magnificent telescope and by frequent use never
to forget the humor of my
size and place and ambitions in the universe.
Finally, do
the things all over again, for I have
done them and am still at it, and I
know.
For just this
once I have broken my motto of "Don't tell."
And now
forget everything that I have said, and live your own life!
Good
times are a reminder and a reward for dealing with the
difficult and
challenging times we all go through. The trick is to
celebrate the good times
in advance of the difficult times. Always remember, good
times
await you after the difficult times pass.
James A. Murphy The Waves of Life
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
Explore all of our
quotations pages--these links will take you to the first page of each
topic, and those pages will contain links to any additional pages on
the same topic (there are five pages on adversity, for example).
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