To have a purpose
that is worthwhile, and that is steadily being accomplished, is
one of the secrets of a life that is worth living.
-
Herbert Casson
The only thing which
has to heal
is the illusion of being separate.
-
Wilfried Fink
All
people ought to begin with themselves, and make their own
happiness first, from which the happiness of the whole
world would at last unquestionably follow.
-Johann
Wolfgang von Goethe
Patience and
tenacity of purpose are assets
of infinitely greater value than cleverness. There is great strength in patiently waiting.
The sun, having set, comes up. The tide ebbs,
but always flows in again. -
Fred van Amburgh
I think so many of us are too hard on ourselves for
what we didn't accomplish or what we should have
done. The first step is to forgive yourself for all
the things you didn't do that you should have and all the
things that you did do that you shouldn't have. Get
rid of the guilt. Negative feelings don't do you
much good. The way to deal with them is to forgive
yourself and forgive others.
Forgiveness is a tricky term. It does not only mean
that you apologize, although regretting what you did is
part of it. You may want to make amends if you can,
but there are some circumstances where there is nothing
more you can do. Even when you cannot mend fences
with others, you need to tell yourself: "Yes, I
did it and it would have been better if I hadn't, but now
I want to forgive myself for having done that negative
deed."
Forgiveness helps you come to terms with the past.
I've learned how to forgive myself, and this has helped me
no longer feel deep regrets or sadness about my past.
For twenty years, I went around feeling terrible about the
fact that I had treated a colleague very meanly. He
was in an organization with me, and I did not want to lead
a group with him. For all those years I carried
around the guilt that I had been unkind to him and that it
wasn't right. When I saw him again recently, I went
up to him and said, "Look, I've carried this burden
for twenty years. I really feel terribly apologetic
for what I said and did to you, and I really want to ask
your forgiveness."
He said, "Oh, it's perfectly all right. I
remember the time when I was feeling dejected and low and
you put your arm around me and were comforting."
I felt tears in my eyes because of the generous way he
responded to me and the relief I felt.
There's a difference between using your past and
wallowing in it. Say I had an experience with a
nasty person and I got nasty back, but I don't want to be
that way anymore. I can use that experience to work
out a different response whenever someone is not so
pleasant to me. If I don't like my reaction, I can
change my response.
You can review your past, benefit from your successes,
and learn from your mistakes without judging
yourself. This is an excellent time to do a life
review, to make amends, identify and let go of regrets,
come to terms with unresolved relationships, and tie up
loose ends.
We
have some
inspiring and motivational books that may interest you. Our main way of supporting this site is
through the sale of books, either physical copies
or digital copies for your Amazon Kindle (including the
online reader). All of the money that we earn
through them comes back to the site
in one way or another. Just click on the picture
to the left to visit our page of books, both fiction and
non-fiction!
On November 23rd, 1993 Native American prophecy was fulfilled
when a delegation representing the North American indigenous nations addressed a
gathering at the United Nations building in New York. Hopi prophecies had
directed messengers to knock four times on the imposing doors of the UN in an
attempt to deliver an appeal to the peoples of the world. The messengers began
knocking in 1948. It took 45 years for the last living messenger to finally gain
access. The Cry of the Earth Conference resulted from that fourth—and
final—knock. Native American elders took that opportunity to deliver the
prophecies of their spiritual leaders concerning the state of the earth and the
people living upon it.
Their message was clear and very simple: The long-predicted
time of purification is already under way. The elders pleaded that we heed
The Creator’s original instructions to the indigenous peoples and voluntarily
return to living in more simple, harmonious, and respectful ways. The prophecies
warned that, should we choose to ignore this message, erratic weather patterns,
earth movements, starvation, violence, and war would occur with ever‐increasing
frequency and intensity.
We live at a time when Native American prophecies and
contemporary scientific predictions are converging and manifesting before our
eyes. When we read the morning paper or watch the evening news, we are literally
witnessing those predicted events unfold. While there are occasional,
encouraging, isolated bright spots of technological advance and humanitarian
action, I still see very little evidence that we are seriously heeding the
warnings.
My purpose is to reissue that call. I am asking each of you to
voluntarily commit to living in ways that are simpler, more respectful, and more
harmonious—more in line with The Creator’s original instructions.
You, as
an individual, must choose how you will respond. Will you voluntarily make
the required changes in your lifestyle? If you do, there’s no question that it
will have a positive affect on you, the people around you, and the earth upon
which you live. You will bring the benefits of simplicity, harmony, and respect
into your own personal life. You will prepare yourself to pass through the
predicted challenges ahead more successfully and with greater ease and grace. In
addition, you will provide a much‐needed
positive example for others to follow.
I have written this four part article to help you implement your
commitment. In the first two parts, I suggest a number of specific steps you can
take to achieve a greater simplicity—both internal and external—in you life.
Part I: Five Steps to Simplify Your Inner World
Any unresolved issues you carry inside can distort your
perceptions of the world, inhibit your personal options, and make you more
vulnerable to stressful life events. You’ve probably heard the saying,
"Wherever you go, there you are." Well, it’s absolutely true. In
order to live more fully, and flow more fluidly with disruptive changes, it is
essential that you free yourself of any remaining unresolved issues.
Step 1: Release your attachments
I believe this is the most important internal change you can
make. Imagine strands of your energy running out from you to all the people and
things you rely on to define your identity. One strand may run to a person you
love, another to your car, and still a third to your music collection. Some may
stretch back in time to people who let you down, while others might reach far
into the future, tied to an aspiration or desired possession. Strands might even
run to your own body (how you look), or to your thoughts and beliefs (religion,
politics, etc.). We can attach ourselves to anything…nd we do.
Buddha said that we suffer because of our desires and
attachments. We attach ourselves to people, things, and outcomes as if they were
extensions of ourselves. Then we hold on very tightly (using words, actions, and
our will). If another person must respond with the "right" expression,
answer, or behavior in order for you to be "happy" or
"okay," then you are definitely attached. If events must turn out in a
particular way—match the picture in your head—in order for you to be
"okay," you are attached. If you still carry unresolved feelings about
something that happened in the recent or distant past, you are attached. Those
attachments handicap you by causing you to resist change or avoid making choices
that might jeopardize a desired outcome.
The only solution is to let go. You must draw back—from your
side—the strands of energy that you extend to hold, influence, or control
people, things, and outcomes for your own ends. You must let everything and
everyone go free.
There are a number of ways to go about releasing attachments.
Satchidananda offers a comprehensive Eastern approach in The Yoga Sutra’s
of Patanjali and John Randolph Price presents a Western version in A
Spiritual Philosophy for the New World. I describe my own set of eight
release steps on my website (www.circledancer.com) in an article titled Releasing
Attachments. If you discover that you need additional help with this
process, some therapists and members of the clergy are able to provide
assistance.
Ultimately, we let go of everyone and everything—we die.
According to most spiritual traditions, the sooner you release your attachments,
the more peace and ease you have in this life. The Native American prophecies
provide a little extra incentive. It will be a lot easier to adapt to a changing
world once you free yourself.
Step 2: Face and resolve your issues
Another powerful way to simplify your life and prepare for
change is to solve any unresolved personal issues (fears, anxieties, judgments,
reactions, addictions, compulsions, depression, etc.). The increasing stress and
challenge presented during the difficult times ahead is likely to intensify your
unresolved issues, making it even harder 5
for you to operate effectively. You would be wise to resolve
those issues before those external pressures mount.
Most issues can be resolved by bringing them fully into your
awareness, facing and accepting them, and then taking any required actions
(e.g., learning a new approach to managing stress). It’s likely that your
unresolved issues have already been brought to your attention. If so, perhaps
you dismissed them (e.g., I only drink on weekends.) or even defended them
(e.g., If you didn’t do what you do, I wouldn’t react the way I do.).
Winston Churchill noted that we often stumble over the truth, but we quickly
pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and hurry on our way. I strongly
encourage you to stop and acknowledge the issues that repeatedly trip you up.
You may be able face and resolve your issues on your own, using
methods such as introspection, meditation, or journaling. You might even be able
to address the issues that arise in your relationship—with your partner’s
help. However, if you have trouble facing an issue, or coming up with the means
to handle it, you may want to seek the help of a counselor. It always makes
sense to remove a rock from your shoe rather than limp along with it, but that’s
especially true when the road ahead is likely to be rough and full of unknown
twists and turns.
Step 3: Tell the truth
Your personal power comes through representing your true self in
the world. Your power with others lies in their being able to count on you and
to trust in you. Any lie diminishes your credibility in this world…nd it
diminishes you. Tell the truth at all times, and under all conditions—without
exception.
Step 4: Reduce your dependency
In a dependent relationship, another person (a lover, a parent,
a child) appears to control the availability of something you desire. That
desired thing can be almost anything, but most often it tends to be acceptance,
love, or financial support. Dependency occurs when you surrender your own
personal power and control in an attempt to obtain the thing you desire. Then,
you and the other person both end up feeling bound, unfulfilled, and resentful.
The only way out of dependency is by becoming independent. You
are independent when you are willing and able to make your own choices,
regardless of the reactions and responses of others. Independence also requires
being willing and able to stand alone on your own two feet (e.g., take care of
yourself financially).
One of the best indicators of whether you are independent is
whether you are willing to address issues that arise in your relationships. If
you are reluctant to express the truth to a friend, a colleague, or a partner,
you are probably in a dependent relationship. Your life will be very complicated
if there are unexpressed negative feelings or unresolved issues present in your
relationships. Say what you need to say and make certain you avoid the binding
ties of dependency.
Step 5: Remain light-hearted
I saw the Dalai Lama when he visited Salt Lake a few years ago.
He walked out on the stage, and everyone in the audience lit up. That didn’t
happen because of his importance as a spiritual or political leader. It happened
because he came out grinning so excitedly, waving so lovingly…ith his socks
falling down. His light‐heartedness
was absolutely contagious. I know the Dalai Lama was fully aware of all of the
suffering in the world. I’m also certain he was under tremendous pressure to
meet with the crowds and deliver his teachings that day. Still, he remained
exuberantly light‐hearted.
It didn’t diminish him one bit, and it elevated all the rest of us.
There is suffering in this world, and maybe even in you own
life. According to Native prophecies, it’s likely there will be more. But,
your anger, discouragement, and sadness will not diminish that suffering. It
will only aggravate and amplify it. It will rob you and those around you of the
possibility of perceiving the joy and love that exist right along side the
suffering. Be the light‐heartedness
that brightens even the most difficult times.
* * * * *
Read Part II next week! Read
about Stephen C. Paul here. We thank Stephen for his permission to use
this article in its entirety. You can read more by him at his website at
circledancer.com.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
You
want a better position than you now have in business, a
better and
fuller place in life. All right; think of
that better place and you in it as
already existing.
Form the mental image. Keep on thinking of that
higher
position, keep the image constantly before you,
and--no, you will not
suddenly be transported into the
higher job, but you will find that you
are preparing
yourself to occupy the better position in life--your body,
your energy, your understanding, your heart will all grow
up to the job--
and when you are ready, after hard work,
after perhaps years of
preparation, you will get the job
and the higher place in life.
Joseph
H. Appel
I
Have Value as a Person--and So Does Everyone Else
I
grew up thinking that I wasn't worth much. I
believed that people didn't want to be around me,
and that if they asked me along anywhere, they were
doing so just to be nice to me. I thought that
no woman would want to marry me, that no one in my
classes wanted to do group projects with me, that I
was pretty much doomed to live my life alone.
And because of these feelings, I acted in ways that
helped to perpetuate my circumstances--I would turn
down invitations, I never showed any confidence in
myself, I acted aloof and probably even a little
arrogant when I was feeling particularly vulnerable.
The interesting part of all this is that I had
plenty of evidence to the contrary. I was with
plenty of people who accepted me as I was and even
liked me, but I convinced myself that they were just
being nice to me by spending time with me.
It was a pretty horrible way to go through life.
It doesn't surprise me when I consider some of the
elements of my life as I was growing up. First
off, my father was in the Navy, so we moved every
couple of years. I had no long-term friends at
all, and I constantly had to start at new schools
where I knew absolutely no one at all. Making
friends was difficult for me because I was very shy,
which was one problem. Another problem was
that in several of the neighborhoods I lived in, we
were bussed many miles to school in the name of
desegregation, so we were in schools in
neighborhoods far from where we lived, which made
after-school programs and extra-curricular
activities impossible. Plus, to be honest, we
really weren't wanted at those schools, and we were
treated as outsiders who didn't belong--because we
didn't belong.
Add to this my father's alcoholism, and most of the
traits of the Adult Child of an Alcoholic come into
play. Here are some of the ACOA traits that
have applied to me:
ACOas judge themselves without mercy;
have difficulty having fun;
have difficulty with intimate relationships;
overreact to changes over which they have no
control;
constantly seek approval and affirmation (a big
one):
feel that they're different from other people;
are super responsible or super irresponsible;
become isolated;
fear people and authority figures;
are terrified of personal criticism (also a big
one);
are concerned more with others than with themselves;
feel guilty when they stand up for themselves;
confuse love and pity;
have low self-esteem;
judge themselves harshly;
etc., etc., etc.
I don't say this to make excuses or to look for
pity, but merely to show why it took a very long
time for me to realize that I do have value as a
human being. And learning this lesson deeply
is a process that's still going on, and that will go
on, I'm sure, until the day I die. I am a
valuable person, and I do help others. I'm
worth knowing, and I do my best to be a good person
in all the ways I can. If someone rejects me
for some reason, that's their issue, not mine.
Knowing that I have value as a person is an
incredibly freeing piece of knowledge. It used
to be that when I would walk into a crowded room, I
would fully expect to be ignored and not to fit
in. And the way I acted, of course, would then
turn that expectation to a self-fulfilling prophecy,
and voila!--people would ignore me. These
days, though, when I walk into a crowded room, I do
so with more confidence. I'm by no means the
life of any party, but I do feel more that I belong
and that other people may benefit from my presence
somehow. I'm not a big crowd person, so I
limit my time in crowded rooms, but they aren't the
terribly daunting and threatening places that they
used to be--now they're just unpleasant.
My struggles with my own self-worth has made me very
sensitive to the worth of other people, too, and I
do my best to recognize when someone is having a
hard time asserting their own self-worth. As a
teacher, I see a lot of this among my students, and
I try to connect somehow with these kids and let
them know that at least one adult cares about them
and who they are. Often, the kids who act the
worst are the ones who need recognition of their
value the most, and when they get it, they have the
opportunity to change self-destructive behaviors.
The simple truth is that all of us are born equally
valuable, and that fact doesn't change as we
grow. Our outer circumstances start to diverge
significantly as we get older, but our innate value
stays that same. Some of us, though, just make
it hard for others to like us or care for us because
of behaviors and attitudes that we've learned in
life--from family, teachers, friends and peers, and
anyone else we come in contact worth.
I'm definitely not endorsing victimhood here--seeing
ourselves as helpless victims does nothing to help
us in life. But I am encouraging empathy and
compassion. When we meet people who have a
hard time fitting in and doing well among others, we
get a sign that all may not be well with that
person, and that a little bit of extra kindness and
compassion may be helpful. I often wonder what
might have happened if just one or two people might
have simply told me, "I'm glad you're my
friend--I enjoy being with you." Those
were words that I was dying to hear, but never
did. I hope that over the course of the rest
of my life, I'm able to pass that message on to
young people who also need to hear it.
Because now that I know that I have value, I also
know that the messages I send to others are
valuable, too. Some of them may just be
life-changing.
(With thanks to a site called Very Well Mind for the
laundry list of symptoms!)
Life
is a series of choices and as all ideas in this manifested
universe
are divided as opposites, we can choose the
negative ego approach
or the positive spiritual approach.
. . . From the negative ego approach
we learn that we will
suffer until we balance our actions and bring our
lives
into harmony with the laws that govern the universe.
This is called
the law of hard knocks or karma. With
the positive spiritual approach
we choose to live in
obedience to God's will, to live in harmony with
universal
laws without being pushed into it.
This can be
called the school of grace.
Cheryl
Canfield
Beauty
is an all-pervading presence. It unfolds to the numberless flowers
of the Spring; it waves in the branches of the trees and in the
green blades of grass; it haunts the depths of the earth and the
sea, and gleams out in the hues of the shell and the precious
stone.
And
not only these minute objects, but the ocean, the mountains, the
clouds, the heavens, the stars, the rising and the setting sun all
overflow with beauty. The universe is its temple; and those people
who are alive to it can not lift their eyes without feeling
themselves encompassed with it on every side.
Now,
this beauty is so precious, the enjoyment it gives so refined and
pure, so congenial without tenderest and noblest feelings, and so
akin to worship, that it is painful to think of the multitude of
people as living in the midst of it, and living almost as blind to
it as if, instead of this fair earth and glorious sky, they were
tenants of a dungeon.
An
infinite joy is lost to the world by the want of culture of this
spiritual endowment. The greatest truths are wronged if not linked
with beauty, and they win their way most surely and deeply into
the soul when arrayed in this their natural and fit attire.
William
Ellery Channing
It's
good to have money and the things that money can buy;
but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure
that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.
The
seventh day is an ancient tradition founded and based on
our most human needs. It is a Jewish tradition and a
Christian tradition. Other religious traditions also
honor one day of the week as a day of worship and
rest. In this age that has not been kind to
tradition, I believe there is a great need to embrace this
wonderful, life-giving tradition of the seventh day.
The
tradition of the Sabbath emerged from our legitimate need
as human beings for rest. The seventh day tradition
upholds, protects, and ensures our legitimate need for
rest and relaxation, for a change of pace, for time with
family and friends, for time to turn toward the
transcendental, and for time to renew our connection with
God. It is a tradition as relevant today as it was
five thousand years ago.
The
modern conception of life respects only action. To
be spending your time in a worthwhile manner, you must be
doing or achieving something. The crudest and most
basic measure of this attitude is moneymaking. This
mind-set affects even the way we spend our recreation
time. People are so caught up in this obsession with
action and activity, they feel they must be doing
something constantly. Prayer is an inner
activity. When you pray you take on the appearance
of doing nothing. And because the fruits, benefits,
and rewards of prayer are internal, you appear to be
achieving nothing. Nothing could be further from the
truth.
Not every
person with their eyes closed is asleep, and not every
person with their eyes open can see. . . .
Everything
happens according to the seasons. Nature is based on
certain cycles. These cycles are the untapped power
of our lives. If a farmer plants the seed in the
winter, will he or she have a crop in the spring?
No, they will have wasted time, effort, energy, and
seed. It is knowledge of the cycles, seasons, and
rhythms of nature that makes a farmer successful.
Today, it
is common knowledge and practice that a rested field
yields a plentiful crop. I wonder, the first time a
farmer decided to let a field rest for a year, did his
neighbors and friends say, "Oh, that's a clever
idea"? Absolutely not. They laughed at
him, made fun of him, talked about him behind his back,
and thought he was crazy. The next year, when he
brought in his crop from that field, he had the last
laugh. The following year, when there were three or
four fields resting, he smiled to himself with a gentle
sense of quiet satisfaction. Ten years later, when
every farmer in the district was using the resting field
method, he had become a legend.
The
cycles of nature hold the untapped power of our lives,
too. As you begin to discover those cycles and live
by them, your friends will think you are crazy for leaving
the party early, or for passing up "an irresistible
opportunity" at work, or for changing the way you
spend your Sunday. But over the weeks, months, and
years ahead, as you bring the harvest of your life to be
weighed, they will soon see that your way is better.
They will turn to it. They too will begin to seek
the rhythm of life.
The
question becomes: Are you prepared to give your
health and happiness priority over your bank balance and
your toy collection? The rhythm of life should be a
priority in our lives. The seventh day as a day of
rest is a very powerful tool in creating and maintaining
the rhythm of life. Acknowledge the wisdom behind
the Sabbath tradition. Use this day. Accept
this gift. Allow this day of rest to regulate your
week, to provide a macrorhythm for your life.
Do you
ever feel that you just need a day off? A day to
relax, to be with family and friends, to do nothing at
all, a day to take it easy?
Embrace
the seventh day. Allow yourself to be renewed and
refreshed. For thousands of years, wise men and
women of every culture have been tapping into the power of
the Sabbath, in one form or another, to maintain rhythm in
their lives. From this rest and reflection of the
seventh day, we emerge with a keen sense of what our
priorities are and return to our work and to the world
rooted once again in our life principles.
There
once lived a man whose name was Jude. He was an
apostle of Jesus Christ and was renowned throughout the
region as a wise and deeply spiritual man. People
traveled great distances, venturing across foreign lands,
to seek his advice and healing.
One day
Jude was relaxing outside his hut when a hunter came
by. The hunter was surprised to see Jude relaxing
and rebuffed him for loafing. It was not the
hunter's idea of what a holy man should be doing.
Jude
recognized these thoughts running through the hunter's
mind and also noticed that the man carried a bow for
hunting. "What is your occupation, sir?"
"I
am a hunter," the man replied.
"Very
good," Jude said. "Bend your bow and shoot
an arrow." The man did so. "Bend it
again and shoot another arrow," said Jude.
The
hunter did so, again and again. Finally he
complained, "Father, if I keep my bow always
stretched, it will break."
"Very
good, my child," Jude replied. "So it is
with me and all people. If we push ourselves beyond
measure, we will break. It is good and right from
time to time to relax and re-create ourselves."
If you
don't break from the tensions of daily living, they will
break you. . . .
There is
an art to slowing down. In our busy world it is not
easy to master this art, but it is necessary. Our
lives have a habit of gathering a momentum of their own,
plunging forward, with or without our consent. Learn
to slow down and access life. Take your foot off the
accelerator and look about and within.
Slow
down. Breathe deeply. Reflect deeply.
Pray deeply. Live deeply. Otherwise you will
spend your life feeling like a bulldozer chasing
butterflies or a sparrow in a hurricane.
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
Explore all of our
quotations pages--these links will take you to the first page of each
topic, and those pages will contain links to any additional pages on
the same topic (there are five pages on adversity, for example).
™
