June 18      

Today's quotation:

If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.

Carl Jung

Today's Meditation:

Becoming a step-parent was one of the most important learning experiences of my life.  I started to find that many of the things I thought should change in my step-children were things that really didn't matter at all.  I had bought into a lot of the "shoulds" of parenting-- kids should be in bed at a certain hour, they should spend a certain amount of time on homework, they should be what and act how adults think they should be and act.

All these thoughts on my part, though, didn't allow them to make their own mistakes and have their own victories and experience their own learning.  I found that by letting them alone to be themselves, I was allowing them to make their own discoveries of what worked and what didn't work in their lives.  I was allowing them to open doors that needed to be opened and to close the ones the didn't serve them well.

And all this time I found myself changing.  As I observed this process I was able to let go of my desire to change them.  I put myself in a position of being there to help when they needed it, but not of being there to tell them what to do and how to do it.  And I became happier because I allowed my perspective to change rather than continuing to try to change them.

We all want to help our kids, but kids are wonderful and resilient creations who are able to find their own ways in life and their own roads to joy-- if we change ourselves to allow them to find their ways and encourage them to do so-- rather than trying to push them into what we think should be their ways.

Questions to consider:

What kinds of things do you think should be changed in kids?  Why do you think they should be changed?

What kinds of things do you think you could change in yourself?  Why?

How might our desires for change in kids show us a reflection of the changes we should seek in ourselves?

For further thought:

Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.

Jess Lair

more thoughts and ideas on children



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