Today's
Meditation:
What
is forgiveness worth if we're not truly willing to
forgive? How are we helping ourselves or anyone else
if we just hold on to resentment and anger? I've
seen plenty of people who say that they've forgiven
someone, but who hold on to the memories of that person's
"transgressions" to use against him or her the
very first time that they feel the need to be angry.
Forgiveness
should be starting over. Completely. It should
be as if we were meeting someone new, without any biases
or preconceived notions about what this person might have
done before. Burying the hatchet allows us to focus
on the good things that this person does and says rather
than on the things that have upset us. And we never
should say that we're burying the hatchet if we plan on
remembering where it is so that we can dig it up later
when we want to use it against someone. If we do so,
we really haven't forgiven at all, have we? And how
can we be helping anyone-- ourselves included-- if our
forgiveness isn't genuine or sincere?
Of course, there are situations in which we forgive
someone but don't continue to have any contact with that
person at all. But those situations aren't what
Sydney is talking about.
If
we feel the temptation to forgive conditionally, to mark
the site of the transgression, then it's time that we step
back and examine our motives for doing what we're thinking
of doing. Not only will we be fooling ourselves now
into thinking that we've put something behind us, but
we'll also be setting up ourselves-- and someone else--
for
a great deal of disappointment in the future. The
only way to avoid that is by forgiving completely and
unconditionally, and if we're not ready to do so then we
need to wait until we are.
|