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Today's
Meditation:
One of my biggest fears in life always has been that
people would see me as less than I am-- that they would
judge me unfairly and harshly and I wouldn't have a chance
to defend myself. It's been a fear since I was
small. And in some ways, I think that fear has led
me to hold on to things that I shouldn't hold on to, to
have a long memory about hurts and pains and
betrayals. Fortunately, I haven't fallen into the
trap of always trying to get even, but I do know that
holding on has caused me my share of pain that was
completely avoidable.
Something that has passed, has passed. As many, many
wise teachers have noted, it's impossible to live in the
here and now, to get the most out of the present moment,
if we're focused on something that's over and done
with. It's especially difficult to enjoy the now if
the feelings associated with the past are negative and
bring us down.
I had a friend once who constantly talked about bad things
that people had done to her years earlier. Her day
seemed to be incomplete if she wasn't able to tell someone
about just how unfair life had been to her, and just how
her current negative situation had been caused by the
actions of others. She knew every scar that was on
her spirit, and she could tell you about every hurt she
had ever suffered. Not surprisingly, I don't
remember ever seeing her happy. I often tried to
redirect our conversations to what was going on in the
present, but it was usually to no avail. Was she
making herself less than she was? Absolutely--
because she was always tied to things in her
past, she was never able to reach any of her potential in
the present.
Getting even is another story entirely, and something that
will bring us down so fast that it's frightening.
And in my experience, the actual act of getting even never
is anything what we imagine it to be when we're
formulating our revenge in our minds. The actual
acts reveal us to be petty, scheming, spiteful people.
When something's over, let it be over. You don't
have to become friends with someone who hurt you, and you
don't have to trust someone who has betrayed your
trust. But move on-- for your sake, so that you can
continue to grow and expand instead of shrink to the size
of your vengeful desires.
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