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Today's
Meditation:
I've actually learned to do this much more often as I
grow older. It no longer matters to me whether or
not my logic is stronger than someone else's, whether my
perspective makes more sense than someone else's, whether
my memory of a certain thing is more accurate than someone
else's. I've found that in most cases, arguments
that I have are simply a waste of time; time spent in
conflict that I could be spending having a pleasant
conversation with someone I care for.
When we think in more of a big-picture sort of way, it's
easy to see that five years from now-- heck, even two hours
from now-- it's not going to matter one single bit who won
this argument, if anyone. But by allowing the other
person to win it, without saying anything about doing so,
I can give something intangible to that person, a feeling
of accomplishment, even of worth. And while I know
that feelings of self-worth shouldn't be tied up in
whether or not we win arguments, I also know that
sometimes they are, and it's something that I can give
very easily.
Of course, there are arguments in which we should give no
quarter. When someone is arguing that we should
compromise our morals and principles, we should not give
in. When someone is arguing for intolerance or
racism or hatred or ignorance, we're not doing anyone any
good by giving in (though we're probably not doing much
good when we argue, either; it's often best just to back out of
these). But sometimes we can create a positive
outcome by allowing someone to win an argument, and if
it's wholly within our power to do so, then why not make
two winners in the situation instead of trying to be the
only one?
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