June 24      

Today's quotation:

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.  The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up," not what part of another you can capture and hold.  The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

Neale Donald Walsch

Today's Meditation:

It took me many years to understand relationships.  This is mostly because neither of my parents really knew anything about relationships, and the more I learned about my grandparents on both sides, the more I understood why.  It was simply ineptitude passed along from generation to generation, and my parents passed on to me all they knew, which wasn't really much at all.  It wasn't their fault, of course, and they themselves suffered greatly from their lack of knowledge about relationships.

I always thought that relationships were about fulfilling needs, and finding someone else who would help you to do so.  Relationships were challenges that one had to make happen, difficult things that leave people frustrated and aggravated.  But our relationships with others, I've come to learn, are about what we can give to them, what we can contribute to the lives of other people in our lives.  There are many things that I've learned in life that I can share with others-- and there are many things that they've learned that they can share with me.

Relationships can't be all about giving, of course.  The people with whom we have relationships want to give to us, also, and we have to be willing to receive as well; otherwise, we're causing the relationship to be completely one-way, something that isn't at all healthy.  But we shouldn't enter into relationships with the expectation of simply receiving, or else we're establishing a completely unfair dynamic going the other way.

How we view our relationships is extremely important.  The expectations that we bring into our dealings with other human beings go a long way towards determining the health of those relationships, and if our expectation in any relationship is solely to take, to fulfill our own needs, then that relationship is doomed to be unhealthy, and probably to fail eventually.

Questions to consider:

What do you see as the major purpose of a relationship?

Why do so many people see relationships as a way to take rather than as an opportunity to give?

Why is it so difficult for many people to focus on giving?

For further thought:

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something:  they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.

Anthony Robbins

more on relationships



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