|
Today's
quotation:
The
beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly
themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.
If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their
potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them:
we only
love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
Thomas Merton
No Man Is an Island
|
|
Today's
Meditation:
I believe
these to be two of the most important sentences that any
of us can read at any time: our love must allow
those we love to be themselves. To talk as they want
to talk, to think as they want to think, to like the
things they like, to reject the things they wish to
reject. So many "relationships" are based
on one or both of those involved trying to change the
object of their love into something they find more
acceptable, more lovable, and that's simply a recipe if
not for disaster, then for unhappiness.
If we
don't try to make someone into our own image, then we
allow them to remain free to do their own thing.
Period. So many people feel unlovable because the
people who love them do so conditionally, especially
parents. "I love you as long as you make me
proud," or "as long as you do what we say,"
or "as long as you do great in school."
Sometimes even, "I love you as long as you spend your
life studying in a certain field and become a doctor or
lawyer-- what I've imagined for your life, not what you
dream of doing."
It's
an easy trap to fall into, especially in a society where
the media have become so dominant. We see ideals of
people all the time in movies, in ads, on television
programs. We grow used to the idea of what kind of
persons we want to have relationships with, and when we
meet someone who doesn't meet our ideals, it's easier to
try to change the person than it is to accept them as they
are or to start over and find
someone else. Many potentially happy relationships
and friendships (which are also relationships, of course)
are sabotaged early and clearly by one or the other
person's desire to change someone into a more
"acceptable" partner or friend.
Love
is love, and it's not control or manipulation. When
we love people truly, we love and accept them as they are;
we don't try to make them what we think they should be or
what we want them to be. When those we love feel
that love and are secure in it, they can bloom into the
people they're meant to be and thrive knowing that they
are loved, and that's a wonderful gift to give to someone
else.
|
