|
Today's
quotation:
Why
do we so frequently, and predictably, experience
disappointment? The answer
probably lies in another question that we need to ask
ourselves: Why do we want things to be a certain way and not the
way they are? Is it because we are convinced that our way is
the
only way, or the only way for us? Is it because we are
too fearful
to consider any other way? Is it because we are
reluctant to accept
things as they are? As
long as we carry an idealized version of how
things and people,
including ourselves, should be, we are likely to
continue
experiencing disappointment in our lives.
Lucy Lopez
|
|
Today's
Meditation:
I used to be
disappointed a lot. Nowadays, I'm almost never
disappointed, and the change is due to a big change in the
ways that I see things. I came to realize that most
of my disappointments were the result of artificial
expectations that I had of other people and situations,
and once I learned not to expect things to happen the ways
I wanted them to or the ways I thought they should,
disappointment ended up waiting outside the door instead
of coming in and making itself at home.
Lucy
speaks of an "idealized version of how things and
people should be," and I think that's a great way to
describe what goes on in our minds. We spend our
lives expecting things and people to be certain ways, to
happen or act in certain ways, to relate to us in certain
ways, and it's those expectations that lead us to
disappointment, not the things or people themselves.
When I accept someone just as they are, that means that I
also accept the fact that they do things that I wouldn't
do, or that they act in ways that I wouldn't act.
Of
course, there's a side to disappointment that isn't as
straightforward. If I'm a boss and someone who works
for me does work that doesn't meet the standards that I
know he or she could easily meet, then I'm more than
likely to be disappointed. But am I disappointed in
the person or the performance? Or both? And
that disappointment can be the catalyst that leads to
helping the other person to do better, or replacing the
person with someone else whose performance meets
standards.
Charlotte
(below) speaks of disappointment as a gift, something that causes
us to improve somehow. If I run a race and I'm
disappointed with my time, that feeling could cause me to
train harder for the next race. But I have to be
careful to keep my disappointment limited to the
performance, and not be disappointed in myself as a
person. If I cook a meal and it doesn't taste like I
want it to, then next time I'll try harder or try
something different to improve it.
As with many things in life, disappointment can be either
a curse or a blessing-- it's up to us to do with it as we
will so that it will help us and not hinder us.
|
