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Today's
Meditation:
Romanticized
notions have ruined many a marriage, I believe.
Somehow-- often from movies or friends or romance novels--
we get these ideas of what marriage "should
be," and when we build up this ideal in our minds, it
becomes incredibly easy, and sometimes inevitable, that we
become disappointed in our partner. Which is quite a
shame, because our partner usually doesn't deserve our
disappointment-- they deserve our love and commitment and
understanding.
Yes,
there are definitely people who are bad partners, who
treat their partners horribly and need to be ditched at the
first possible moment because they'll never change for
pretty much any reason at all. This isn't about
them. This is about those people who would make
great couples if only both parties were able to let go of
artificial expectations and accept the other just as they
are, learning to "enjoy their differences," for
differences are what make a partnership exciting and
enjoyable, as long as we accept each other and make a
strong effort to make things work with someone who is a
bit different than we are.
Marriage
does take effort if it's to be successful. It
doesn't just happen. The effort shouldn't be
terrible and tedious, but it should be there. We
need to be willing to compromise, willing to let go of
some expectations, willing to accept different ways of
doing things if we're to make our marriages work.
And that's part of the joy of marriage-- our willingness to
be giving enough to give up some things that we generally
want in order to reach a compromise that will work for
both of us. There are certain things that I don't
ask of my wife, and certain things that she's given up
(for the most part) for me, and we're both fine with that.
If we
look at marriage as this wonderfully romantic bliss for
the rest of our lives, then guess what? We're
probably going to run into a bit of trouble. But if
we recognize the fact that we're going to be facing a bit
of work-- much of it working on ourselves and our own
ability to compromise in order to make things work-- then
at least we give our marriage a fighting chance.
Marriage can be wonderful, or it can be difficult and
trying. Let's try to make it wonderful by not
putting excessive and artificial expectations on our
partners.
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