great marriage is not when the
"perfect couple" comes together.
It is when an imperfect couple learns
to enjoy their differences.
do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds
of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.
is what makes a marriage last--more than passion or even sex.
Seldom, or perhaps never, does a marriage develop
individual relationship smoothly and without crises; there
is no coming to consciousness without pain.
kind of marriage you make depends upon the kind of person
you are. If
you are a happy, well-adjusted person, the
your marriage will be
a happy one. If you have made
adjustments so far
with more satisfaction
than distress, you are likely to make your
marriage and family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are
and bitter about your lot in life, you
will have to change before
you can expect to live happily ever after.
Duvall and Reuben Hill
and wife are like the two equal parts of a soybean.
parts are put under the earth separately, they
grow. The soybean
will grow only when the parts
are covered by the skin. Marriage is the skin which covers
each of them and makes them one.
is not a reform school.
good marriage is one which allows for
change and growth
in the individuals and
in the way they express their love.
people behind the words
and excerpts - Daily
Two - Year Three
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you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be the shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be the warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you,
now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two persons, but there is one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
to enter into the days of your togetherness.
And may your days be good and long upon this earth.
marriages begin when we marry the ones we love,
and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.
didn't marry you because
were perfect. I didn't
you. I married you
gave me a
promise. That promise
made up for
faults. And the promise
and it was the
marriage. And when
children were growing up,
a house that
wasn't our love
protected them--it was that promise.
|Marriage--as its veterans know well--is the
continuous process of getting used to things you hadn't
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of
that makes unhappy marriages.
After all these years, I see that I was
mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live
outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
|I pay very little regard. . . to what a young
says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a
disinclination for it, I only set it down that they
haven't seen the right person yet.
A happy marriage is the union of two good
keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.
very neat. My wife is messy--never picks anything up.
Doesn't even notice the mess--it's below her radar. I cured
myself from my annoyance with her by imagining that she had died
and then asking myself, "If you could bring her back to life
still be messy, leave clutter all over the house--5 pairs of shoes
living room, would you still want her back?" "Yes,
And it cured me. Whenever I get annoyed
with her mess, I rerun the script.
For "I" to
become "we" and yet remain "I," is
one of the
great challenges of marriage.
Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days,
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
are often enamored with my Super Bowl ring. But it's
my wedding ring that I'm most proud of. And having a good
marriage takes even more work than winning a Super Bowl.
Marriage is not just spiritual communication and
marriage is also three meals a day, sharing the workload,
and remembering to take out the trash.
Art Of Marriage
marriage must be created.
In the art of marriage the little things are the big
things. . .
never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least
once each day.
never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole
speaking words of appreciation and
demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not
only marrying the right partner. . .
It is being the right partner.
those "and they lived happily ever after" fairy tale
endings need to be
changed to "and they began the very hard work of making their
|Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in
a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is tahtthe frist and
lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
this means I don't have to feel so bad about my
spelling. Also makes me think we should be able to
apply this principle to marital communication. Try
to listen for the meaning instead of nit-picking at the
much as I would miss my wife if she were to die,
I would miss what we are together even
more. Our "we-ness," our "us-ness."
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Thinkers - the people behind the words
is not a matter of creating a quick community of spirit
by tearing down and destroying all boundaries, but rather a good
marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his
her solitude. . . . Once the realization is accepted that even
the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a
living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the
between them no less than one another.
Love is an
ideal thing, marriage is a real thing; a confusion
of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
when will there be an end of marrying?
I suppose, when there is an end of living.
To marry a woman with any success a man must
of her, he must come to see her and accept
her in time as well as in space.
Besides coming to love what
she is now, he must also come to realize
and love equally the
baby and the child she once was, and the middle-aged
and the old lady she will eventually become.
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| Why do so many
marriages fail? Because nobody gets
taught how to be
married. We're not
taught how to pick a mate, or why to pick a
we don't know how to manage our emotions
once we're in a marriage;
we don't know how to
resolve marital conflict. Married people
been taught why they or their spouses
feel the way they do and act the
do. Nobody has ever taught us the
marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather
than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts,
an enabler rather than a reformer.
Wright and Gary J. Oliver
you don't need a formal written contract before you get married,
I think it's important for both partners to spell out what they
each other. . . . There are always plenty of surprises--
and lots of give and take--once you're married.
I know some good
marriages--marriages where both people
are just trying to get through their days by helping
each other, being good to each other.
|The Vital C's in Marriage:
never does a marriage develop into an individual relationship
smoothly and without crisis. There is no birth of
consciousness without pain.
is something a person has to decide to experience.
monogamous devotion is just not natural—not for women even, and
emphatically not for men. It requires what, for lack of a better
can call an act of will. . . . This isn't to say that a young
person can't hope
to be seized by love. . . . But whether the sheer fury of one's
accurately gauges their likely endurance is another question. The
will surely fade, sooner or later, and the marriage will then live
or die on
respect, practical compatibility, simple affection, and (these
especially) determination. With the help of these things,
of the label 'love' can last until death. But it will be a
different kind of love
from the kind that began the marriage. Will it be a richer love, a
love, a more spiritual love? Opinions vary.
But it's certainly a more impressive love.
The Moral Animal
In marriage people may have
differences and periods of weariness and boredom,
but they have also built up an axis of relationships that
constitutes a steady center.
There's a story by Flannery O'Connor in which she tells
an old couple who had lived in the Appalachians all their lives in
a little cabin
overlooking the opposite mountain. They were sitting
there--both very aged
people--in their rocking chairs on a spring day. The man
said, "Well, Sarah,
I see there's still some snow up there on the
mountain." Now he knew there
was snow on the mountain every year. So why does he have to
say it? Because
to perceive that, to know at times there is snow and at times
there is not snow--
this was part of the observation of an eternal rhythm which made
their life together.
In marriage you say the same things over and over, you inquire
about the same
people; and this is ho-hum in one way. But it is
breathtaking in another.
Joseph A. Sittler
Grace Notes and Other Fragments
Unfortunately, our closest relationships are easily neglected.
people remember the promise “until death do us part,” but often forget
the vow to love, honor, and cherish—behaviors that make a lifetime of
love (and happiness together) possible. By making your relationship
a priority, you are more likely to stay connected.
Deborah K. Heisz
Live Happy: Ten Practices for Choosing Joy
is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach
the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous
beings who do not run away from life.