The opposite of Loneliness
is not Togetherness, it's Intimacy.

Richard Bach


One night when my two-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter was staying with me, we were at home taking a bubble bath together and singing, "Here we are taking a bubble bath, a bubble bath," etc.  All of a sudden, no one was singing and I experienced both of us looking deeply into each other's eyes and there was no sound at all.  It lasted but a few moments and I felt shivers up my spine.  That was intimacy.

Lynn Moore

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;óit is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.

Jane Austen
Sense and Sensibility

It's funny; in this era of e-mail and voice mail and all those things that even I did not grow up with, a plain old paper letter takes on amazing intimacy.

Elizabeth Kostova
The Swan Thieves

Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds?  In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of an intimate relationship is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go.  It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, an emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self.  Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.

Marianne Williamson
Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power Of Intimate Relationships


Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with
someone--and finding that that's okay with them.

Alain de Botton


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Jason once told me that eye contact is the most intimacy two people
can have--forget sex--because the optic nerve is technically an extension
of the brain, and when two people look into each other's eyes, it's brain-to-brain.

Douglas Coupland
Hey Nostradamus!


Physical intimacy isnít and can never be an effective
substitute for emotional intimacy.

John Green


Real intimacy is a sacred experience.  It never exposes its secret trust
and belonging to the voyeuristic eye of a neon culture.
Real intimacy is of the soul, and the soul is reserved.

John O'Donohue
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy.  It
takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse,
"This is me.  I'm not proud of it--in fact, I'm a little
embarrassed by it--but this is who I am."

Bill Hybels

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding,
intimacy and mutual valuing.

Rollo May


People have two needs:  one is to be intimate, the other is to
be independent.  The greatest barrier to intimacy is the fear
that closeness will get in the way of independence.  Intimacy
is realizing that each person is the custodian of their partner's self-respect.

Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz


True intimacy is a human constant.  People of all types find it equally
hard to achieve, equally precious to hold.  Age, education, social
status, make little difference here; even genius does not presuppose
the talent to reveal one's self completely and completely absorb
one's self in another personality.  Intimacy is to love what
concentration is to work:  a simultaneous drawing
together to attention and release of energy.

Robert Grudin

The value of the personal relationship to all things is that it
creates intimacy. . . and intimacy creates understanding. . . 
and understanding creates love.

Anais Nin


Technologies of the soul tend to be simple, bodily, slow and related
to the heart as much as the mind.  Everything around us tells us we
should be mechanically sophisticated, electronic, quick, and informational
in our expressiveness--an exact antipode to the virtues of the soul.
It is no wonder, then, that in an age of telecommunications--which, by
the way, literally means "distant connections"--we suffer symptoms
of the loss of soul.  We are being urged from every side
to become efficient rather than intimate.

Thomas Moore


Be courteous to all but intimate with few, and let those few be
well tried before you give them your confidence; true friendship
is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the
shocks of adversity before it is entitled to appellation.

George Washington

The many faces of intimacy: the Victorians could experience it
through correspondence, but not through cohabitation;
contemporary men and women can experience it
through fornication, but not through friendship.

Thomas Szasz


The deepest moments of intimacy occur when you're not talking.

Patricia Love

A person's life would be wretched and confined if it were to
miss the candid intimacy developed by mutual trust and esteem.

Edwin Dummer

All self-revelation and intimacy in friendship must be spontaneous
and natural.  It must come like the opening of a flower
in the sunshine and cannot be forced.

Bertha Conde



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Intimacy does not mean that both people are perfect.  It doesn't
even mean that one person is perfect.  It means that two people
understand that we are all wounded and we are all here to be
healed.  The key to empowerment in any area is understanding
its purpose, and the purpose of intimacy is healing.

Marianne Williamson

Intimacy requires courage because risk is inescapable.  We cannot know
at the outset how the relationship will affect us.  Like a chemical mixture,
if one of us is changed, both of us will be.  Will we grow in self-actualization,
or will it destroy us?  The one thing we can be certain of is that if we let
ourselves fully into the relationship for good or evil,
we will not come out unaffected.

Rollo May
The Courage to Create



Yes, life can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's actually rather dependable and reliable.  Some principles apply to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning.  I use it a lot when I teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.  What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or generous, compassionate or arrogant?  In this book, I've done my best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life, writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.  Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too!
Universal Principles of Living Life Fully.  Awareness of these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration out of the lives we lead.



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