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stepkids get a bit upset when I ask them not to use the word
"hate" when they talk about other people.
"The word's too strong," I tell them, "and it means
too much that you don't really want to say."
don't mean that I really 'hate' them," is the typical
response that I hear.
don't need to use that word, do you?" I ask. The
usual response to this comment is "whatever," the same
response that we hear to many different situations. I try to
make a point of letting them know that at least to some people,
casual use of words such as "hate" aren't acceptable in
most situations. Most people don't care, but I do -- hatred
is a quality that's always destructive, never helpful or
constructive, and always unpleasant.
us to do or say things that we normally wouldn't say because they
go against that important inner voice, our conscience.
Hatred blinds us to the good and keeps us focusing on the bad, no
matter what another person or other persons may be doing. If
we hate, a person could save a family from a burning house, and we
would still see the actions as self-serving -- we could even
accuse the person of saving the family because he or she wanted
the glory of being a hero.
When we hate,
our blindness leads us to commit acts that destroy -- they can
destroy friendships, business deals, relationships, even human
The terrorist attacks of September, 2001, were a
strong example of the results of hatred; the people who committed
those acts were so caught up in their hatred that they could think
only of destruction and causing pain and damage. In all the
training that they received, their hatred was constantly
reinforced by other people who hated the same "enemy,"
because those people who taught them knew the value of hatred in
getting someone to do something that they normally wouldn't even
When we hate,
we destroy our own happiness and love of life. Our focus is
constantly on the negative aspects that we see in another person
or group of people. We focus on some sort of
"wrong" that was done to us so strongly that the right
and the beautiful that surround us every day become clouded and
dim, even invisible, and that's completely our doing -- the people
we hate have nothing to do with it. We choose to focus so
strongly on what we choose to hate that we give up the possibility
of helping ourselves by focusing on what is good.
Hatred is a
choice, a choice made due to weakness, due usually to a feeling of
powerlessness. We choose an object of hatred because of our
own perceived lack of power, whether we truly are powerless or
not. This object of hatred makes us feel "good" in
a warped way -- our hatred gives us a sense of righteousness, a
sense of power over those we hate. But peace of mind,
compassion, and acceptance can do the same thing, only in a
positive, constructive way rather than in a negative, destructive
hate? You shouldn't, for it's hurting you. It's
holding you back and keeping you down, and ironically, those you
hate probably don't even know about your hatred or aren't letting
it get to them, so you're hurting yourself without even
accomplishing what you hope to accomplish. Let go of the
hatred, for you don't deserve the kind of pain it's causing you,
and you'll love the feeling of freedom that comes when you're able
to live your life without it.
|Humans can be
the most affectionate and altruistic of creatures,
yet they're potentially
more vicious than any other. They are
the only ones who can be
persuaded to hate millions of their own kind
whom they have never seen and
to kill as many as they can lay their hands on
in the name of their tribe
or their God.
fear breed a poison in the blood, which if continued, affects
eyes, ears, nose and the organs of digestion. Therefore, it is not
hear and remember the unkind things others might say about you.
may fight against what is wrong, but if we allow ourselves to hate,
is to insure our spiritual defeat and our likeness to what we hate.
imagine one of the reasons people cling
to their hates so stubbornly
is because they sense, once hate is gone,
they will be forced to deal with pain.
When you hear a person say, "I hate," adding the
name of some
religion, or social class, you are dealing with
belated mind. That person may dress like a modern, ride in
listen to the radio, but his or her mind is
about 1000 B.C.
Harry Emerson Fosdick
Hatred toward any human being cannot exist
in the same
heart as love to God.
Dean William Inge
I consider, is just a standing reproach to the hated
and owes all its meaning to a demand for love.
people behind the words
Two - Year Three
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|There is no phenomenon
which contains so much destructive feeling
as moral indignation, which permits hate to be acted out under the guise
George J. Nathan
permit no person to narrow and degrade my soul
by making me hate him or her.
we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health,
and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew
how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning
our days and nights into a hellish turmoil.
is full of painful events, and people who have lost their way and hurt
Our pain is not lessened when we respond with hatred.
In fact, the opposite
When we hate people who hurt us, we come to resemble what we hate,
or worse, and then we suffer all the more.
What is evil is our response.
We have choices, and love is the most powerful eliminator of all.
I have also decided to stick with love, for I know that
love is ultimately the only
answer to humankind's problems. I've seen too much hate on the faces
in the South. I've seen hate on the faces of too many Klansmen and
White Citizens Councilors in the South to want to hate, myself, because
every time I see it, I know that it does something to their faces and
personalities, and I say to myself that hate is too great a burden to
bear. I have
decided to love. If you are seeking the highest good, I think you
can find it
through love. Those who hate do not know God, but those who love
have the key that unlocks the door to the meaning of ultimate reality.
Luther King Jr.
wanted to punish an enemy it should be by fastening
on him or her the trouble of constantly hating somebody.
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make it a practice to avoid hating anyone. If someone's been guilty
despicable actions, especially toward me, I try to forget him or
her. I used
to follow a practice--somewhat contrived, I admit--to write the person's
on a piece of scrap paper, drop it into the lowest drawer of my desk, and
to myself: "That finishes the incident, and so far as I'm
concerned, that person."
The drawer became over the years a sort of private
crumpled-up spite and discarded personalities. Besides, it seemed to
effective, and helped me avoid harboring useless black feelings.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
someone hurts you with a weapon? Wait. Think it over.
You probably feel angry. That's normal. But wasn't it the
striking your body that hurt you? Can you be angry at the stick?
Of course not. Should you be angry at the wielder of the stick?
Wouldn't it make more sense to be angry at the hatred in the mind
of the stick wielder? If you think about it, isn't the end of hatred
in the world what you want most of all? Why, then, would you
add to it by giving energy to your anger? After all, it will pass on
its own if left alone, especially if you respond to it with compassion.
you hate your enemies, you will contract such a vicious habit of mind
that it will break out upon those who are your friends,
or those who are indifferent to you.
dangerous and harmful to be guided in our life's course by hatreds
and aversions, for they are wasteful of energy and limit
and twist the mind and prevent it from perceiving the truth.
you hate a person, you hate something in him or her that is part
of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
the vice of narrow souls; they feed it with all
their littleness, and make it the pretext of base tyrannies.
Honore de Balzac
|Hate smolders and eventually destroys, not the
hated but the hater.
|Meet hatred with hatred
and you degrade yourself. Meet hatred
love and you not only elevate yourself but
also the person who bears you
Ralph Waldo Trine
going, it goes round, it gets older and tighter and older
and tighter, until it holds a person inside it like a fist holds a stick.
Ursula K. LeGuin
cannot last unless it is continuously nourished and stimulated.
Edmund A. Brasset