Humor is a
huge part of living a full life, and there's nothing like a good laugh
every now and then. We present these pages with no plan in
structure or organization, no categorization--
just fun stuff that we think
Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist pastor and their wives were
cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all
next thing you know, they're standing before Saint Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. Saint Peter shook
his head sadly.
"I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You
loved it so much, you
even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in,
either. You loved food
too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman
The Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously,
doesn't look good, Fanny."
wonder English is so difficult to learn , , , ,
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the birthday present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
The seamstress and the sewer fell into the sewer.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
Apple engineers and Three Microsoft Employees are traveling by train
a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy
and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks a Microsoft
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train.
The Microsoft employees take their respective seats, but all
engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket,
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a
clever idea. So
after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the
engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some
(being clever with money and all that). When they get to the
station, they buy a
single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple
don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without
asks one perplexed Microsoft employee.
"Watch and you'll see, " answers an Apple engineer.
When they board the train the three Microsoft employees cram
into a restroom
and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The
Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his
restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket,
an ecumenical round-table discussion, various
religious leaders tried to answer the question
"When does life begin?"
"At conception," said the Catholic
"No, no," said the Presbyterian
minister. "it begins at birth."
"It's in between," said the
Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the
fetus develops a functional heartbeat."
"I disagree with all of you," said
the rabbi. "Life begins when your last
child leaves home and takes the dog with him."
famous scientist was on his way to yet another lecture
when his chauffeur offered an idea. "Hey,
boss, I've heard your speech so many times, I bet I
could deliver it and give you the night off."
"Sounds great," the scientist said.
When they got to the auditorium, the scientist
put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back
row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and
delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if
there were any questions.
"Yes," said one professor, then he
launched into a highly technical question.
The chauffeur was panic-stricken for a moment
but quickly recovered. "That's an easy
one," he replied. "So easy, I'm going
to let my chauffeur answer it."
| A programmer was
crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If
you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
I'm a beautiful princess,
that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The programmer said, "Look I'm a programmer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."
woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.
HIM: "I'm sorry, dear, but I'm up to my neck in work today
and I can't talk."
HER: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you,
HIM: "OK, darling, but since I'm so short on time right now,
just give me
the good news."
HER: "Well, the air bag works."
Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I
have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know
what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a heavy old
lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into
a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father
watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then
the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the
walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde
woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to
his son, "Go get your mother."
room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze
class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women
how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give
the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt
you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the
group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
All contents © Living Life
Fully®, all rights reserved.
people behind the words
Two - Year Three
for your free daily spiritual or general quotation
Explanations From Kids
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones.
The head sits on the top, and you sit on the bottom.
It is so hot in some places that people
there have to live in other places.
Momentum is something you give a person when
they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places which
is why they look like umbrellas.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard,
The alimentary canal is located in the
northern part of Indiana.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Some people can tell what time it is by
looking at the sun,
but I never have been able to make out the numbers.
When planets run around and around in
circles, we say they are orbiting.
When people do it, we say they are crazy.
One of the main causes of dust is DIRT.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in
Genetics explains why you look like your
and if you don't, why you should.
Water vapor gets together in a big cloud.
When it gets big enough to be called a drop,
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on
the center of the Earth
because so many people are stomping around there these days.
The cause of perfume disappearing is
evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed
for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
You can listen to thunder and tell how close
you came to getting hit.
If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know
everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK,
Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.
" So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom
Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts,
"Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and
join me for lunch! "
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After
they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's
knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know Bill; let's fly out
to Washington." And off they go. At the White House,
Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over,
saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he
expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and
I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with
the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will
never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and
I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he
disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way
to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you
and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
"Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"