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I can't count
how many times in my life I've claimed "I can't."
"I can't do this," "I can't do that,"
"I've tried, and I can't do it." I do it over and
over again, and I continue to do so. I look at limitations
rather than possibilities, and I freeze myself in place--I truly
can't do what I'm claiming I can't do because I don't allow myself
to do so. When I've been fortunate enough to be in a
position in which I've had no choice, though, the results are
almost always the same--I accomplish that which I felt I couldn't
do.
I find it kind
of frightening, to tell you the truth, and I have to wonder how
many opportunities I've missed out on because I froze myself in
place with those two words: "I can't." I've
refused even to try things because I limited myself from the very
start with my own unrealistic perspective, and I've seen as
impossible something that really wasn't impossible.
It's kind of
humiliating to admit that most of the time when I say "I
can't," I really mean "I can, but it looks like it will
be a lot of hard work, and I'm not sure I want to get myself into
that." I prefer to say that it can't be done and not
tackle the job rather than get myself into that much work that I
may or may not be able to do well. A good example was on our
old van--I knew the spark plugs needed to be changed, but the
engine placement was so strange that I couldn't even see where the
plugs were. So rather than follow the wires to the plugs, I
told myself I couldn't do it because I wasn't familiar with that
engine set-up.
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Soon, though, I
realized the job had to be done, and I went out and found that I
could get to the spark plugs through the wheel wells. It
took me a lot longer to change those eight plugs than it normally
would have, but I was able to do it. There were several
problems with my job, though, all of which had to do with
timing. First, I should have done the job earlier--the
plugs needed to be changed, yet I put it off by psyching myself
out.
Second, I had limited myself rather drastically by
telling myself I couldn't do the job; it was pretty embarrassing
(to myself) to find out later that it wasn't all that difficult a
job. Finally, because I had psyched myself out, we drove the
van around for quite a while though I knew that it wasn't as safe
or as fuel efficient as it should have been. All because I
had taken a couple of quick glances and told myself that I
couldn't do it.
I try to
recognize these situations when they arise now, and any time I say
"I can't," I try to re-evaluate the situation.
There are many times when those two words are necessary and
useful--there are jobs I'm not qualified to do, such as putting in
a circuit board instead of a fuse box or fixing a plumbing
back-up. In those cases, we need a professional who's
qualified to do those jobs. There are other jobs that I
simply wouldn't have the time for, and taking them on would mean
that I'd neglect other things and not do anything well.
But I also know
that there are things that I can do that I claim I can't simply to
make my life easier or to put off an unpleasant job. Those
are the times I need to re-evaluate and say, instead of "I
can't," "I can, and I'll do it as soon as I can."
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