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Ninety percent of the world's woe
comes from people
not knowing themselves, their abilities, their
frailties,
and even their real virtues. Most of us go almost
all the way
through life as complete strangers to ourselves.
Sydney J. Harris
Who am
I? It's one of the eternal questions, isn't it? And
while I could answer the question to a certain extent, I know that
I'd never be satisfied with the answer. I'm a bundle of wants
and needs and desires, and there's no way that words could ever
express all that I am and feel. Furthermore, I know that I've
arrived at only a very basic knowledge of myself so far, and that
even if I could live another century or two, I still probably
wouldn't be completely satisfied with any answer that I could offer.
But I do want
to know, and I consider one of my major purposes of being on this
planet in the first place to be to try my best to learn as much as I
can about who I am. But how do I go about doing this? Do
I withdraw from the rest of humanity and lead a life of
introspection and meditation, trying to delve deeper into
myself? I don't think so--I wasn't put on a planet full of
people just to leave them all and forsake all they have to
offer. Or do I take class after class of philosophy and
psychology and sociology and literature to try to learn how to
analyze myself? Again, I don't think so. While such
courses definitely have much to offer, they're still full of content
that's not me--not my philosophy, not my ideas, not my slant on
life, which is meant to be truly unique.
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Which leads
me to a sort of revelation that I've arrived at recently: if I
want to learn more about myself, I have to pay a great deal of
attention to those people around me--family, friends, and
colleagues--even strangers--and pay close attention to how they treat me. For
in their treatment of me lies the reflection of who I am.
Believe me
when I say that I don't want this to be true. Some people
don't treat me very well, and at least in some cases, their
treatment of me is a response to my treatment of them, either
consciously or subconsciously. I know that some people,
though, act like--well, jerks, for lack of a better word--because of
their own insecurities or problems, and that not everything is about
me. A person being rude to me isn't necessarily a reflection
of who I am.
But that
doesn't change the fact that sometimes it is. One of my goals
for my near future is to learn to understand people's reactions to
me. Are they glad to see me when we meet? Are they
willing to share with me things that have happened in their
lives? Are they willing to share their thoughts and
ideas? If not, do I tend to be too critical when people share
ideas? Or do I tend to be too analytical, and not accepting
enough?
I know that
there are many basic rules for dealing effectively with people, and
I've broken many of those rules in my life. Most of the time,
I've broken the rules because of my own fears and
insecurities--growing up in a military family, moving all the time,
and having an alcoholic father certainly took their toll on
me. We never lived in one place long enough to develop
long-term friendships, and I've always felt limited when it comes to
developing friendships and relationships.
But if I want
to be more effective at it, I need to pay attention to my most
important teachers--the people who are in my world with me. My
colleagues at school, my family, the people I know at church and
other places, and my friends all give me very valuable input every
time I interact with them, yet I have to be conscious of that fact
if I'm to learn from them. If I truly wish to know who I am, I
have to learn at least part of the answer from the people who deal
with me. I have to keep my eyes and ears open, and I have to
be open to the idea that I'm not going to like all of the answers
that I get. Not everyone likes me, and if I can learn why
that's so, I can work to change the unlikable qualities of my self.
Why would I
want to pay so much attention to this? Mostly because I firmly
believe that true happiness is to be found through serving others,
and if people aren't comfortable with me or if they dislike me,
there's little chance that I'll ever be able to serve them
effectively. There's little chance that I'll be able to have
even the slightest possible influence on their lives for good.
I don't want
to fight to be popular, and I don't kid myself that I can be liked
by everyone. But I do know that if I pay attention to the
teachers who are with me, I can become a happier person and lead a
fuller, more fulfilling life. We have to pay attention if
we're to learn anything at all, and it would be a shame to have so
many great teachers around me all the time and not learn any of the
lessons they have to teach me about myself.
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