Another week has
come to us, giving us the gift of seven new days
with which
we can do as we will. We hope that you're able
to make these seven days very
special, both for yourself and for the other people
who are part of your life!
I started a conversation not long ago with a woman in the airport
in Newburgh, New York, by saying, "Are you going somewhere to
visit or are you going home?" I was waiting for my
flight to Chicago. She had come from Chicago and was waiting
for her connecting flight back to West Virginia. I had
noticed that when the young man with her had settled her into the
seat next to mine saying, "Stay here, Grandma. I'll go
get you a Pepsi," she had just sat. Not reading.
Not looking around. Not rummaging in her purse. Not
doing any of the things people do in airport boarding lounges.
"I'm going home," she responded. "And this is
only the second time I've flown anywhere. Flying here the
day before yesterday was the first time." She half
turned her face to me and spoke quietly but seemed glad to
talk--more shy than nervous.
"Why did you come?" I asked.
"My granddaughter was getting married, so I really needed to
come." We talked for a while about the wedding. I
asked about the church, the service, the minister, the bride's
dress, and the wedding cake, and each time she smiled, her face
still turned only partly toward me, and told me something
particular enough to let me know that she was enjoying our
conversation.
Then I said, "Is this granddaughter the child of your son or
daughter?"
"She is the
child of my daughter," she answered, still quietly, still
half looking, but not smiling. "But my daughter died
ten years ago. Of stomach cancer."
I waited a moment, took a breath, and said, "Was that the
worst thing that ever happened to you?"
She thought for a little bit and then said, "No. I
think it was my first husband's death that was the worst thing
that ever happened to me."
I waited again, wondering what to say next, caught up short not so
much by the pain in her life as by her capacity to reflect about
degrees of worse. Then the conversation seemed to pick up by
itself. Her second husband had also died. Her first
child, a son, had been stillborn. A second son had died
after Vietnam, "something to do with Agent Orange," she
thought. One daughter was still living. She had three
great-grandchildren in West Virginia. Her voice was
modulated, her story straightforward. The remembering aloud
of the major grief of a lifetime--in five minutes, to a
stranger--seemed remarkable in its ordinariness.
I said, "Are you a religious woman?"
She looked up, turned straight to me for the first time, and
smiled. "I do the best I can," she said.
"Does your church hold you up?" I asked.
"It does. But you know what? I have very good
neighbors. I talk to my neighbors."
Her grandson returned with apologies about the line being too long
at the concession stand to get a Pepsi and the news that their
flight was boarding. As I watched them leave, I looked
around the boarding lounge at everyone else coming and going and
thought about how heroic people are, everyone walking around in
the middle of their whole personal life of suffering and
happiness, doing the best they can. I thought about how good
people are, about how kind it was to have a stranger, a momentary
neighbor, make the story of her life a teaching story for me and
then, just by getting up and keeping going, reminding me that we
have Energy enough, and heart enough, for the whole trip.
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One
of the amazing things we have been given as humans is the
unquenchable desire to have dreams of a better life. Think of
it: We can look deep within our hearts and dream of a better
situation for ourselves and our families; dream of better
financial lives and better emotional or physical lives; and
certainly dream of better spiritual lives. But what makes this
even more powerful is that we have also been given the ability
to not only dream, but to pursue, those dreams, and not only to
pursue them, but the cognitive ability to actually lay out a
plan and strategies (setting goals) to achieve those dreams.
Powerful! And that is what we will discuss in detail this week:
how to dream dreams and establish goals to get those dreams.
What
are your dreams and goals? This isn’t what you already have or
what you have done, but what you want. Have you ever really sat
down and thought through your life values and decided what you
really want? Have you ever taken the time to truly reflect, to
listen quietly to your heart, to see what dreams live within
you? Your dreams are there. Everyone has them. They may live
right on the surface, or they may be buried deep from years of
others telling you they were foolish, but, either way, they are
there.
So
how do we know what our dreams are? This is an interesting
process, and it relates primarily to the art of listening. This
is not listening to others; it is listening to yourself. If we
listen to others, we hear their plans and dreams (and many will
try to put their plans and dreams on us). If we listen to
others, we can never be fulfilled; we will only chase elusive
dreams that are not rooted deep within us. No, we must listen to
our own hearts.
Let’s
take a look at some practical steps/thoughts on hearing from our
hearts on what our dreams are:
Take
time to be quiet. This is something that we don’t do enough in
this busy world of ours. We rush, rush, rush, and we are
constantly listening to noise all around us. The human heart was
meant for times of quiet, to peer deep within. It is when we do
this that our hearts are set free to soar and take flight on the
wings of our own dreams! Schedule some quiet “dream time”
this week. No other people. No cell phone. No computer. Just
you, a pad, a pen and your thoughts.
Think
about what really thrills you. When you are quiet, think about
those things that really get your blood moving. What would you love
to do, either for fun or for a living? What would you love to
accomplish? What would you try if you were guaranteed to
succeed? What big thoughts move your heart into a state of
excitement and joy? When you answer these questions, you will
feel great and you will be in the “dream zone.” It is only
when we get to this point that we experience what our dreams
are!
Write
down all of your dreams as you have them. Don’t think of any
as too outlandish or foolish. Remember, you’re dreaming! Let
the thoughts fly and take careful record.
Now,
prioritize those dreams. Which are most important? Which are
most feasible? Which would you love to do the most? Put them in
the order in which you will actually try to attain them.
Remember, we are always moving toward action, not just dreaming.
Here
is the big picture: Life is too short not to pursue your dreams.
Someday, your life will near its end, and all you will be able
to do is look backward. You can reflect with joy or regret.
Those who dream, who set goals and act on them to live out their
dreams, are those who live lives of joy and who have a sense of
peace when they near the end of their lives. They have finished
well, for themselves and for their families.
Remember:
These are the dreams and goals that are born out of your heart
and mind. These are the goals unique to you and that come from
who you were created to be and gifted to become. Your specific
goals are what you want to attain, because they are what will
make your life joyful and bring your family’s life into
congruence with what you want it to be.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
Nature
is another
important aspect of
nourishing the soul.
After a hike
in the
mountains where we
live, for
instance, I
feel a remarkable sense
of gratitude
and awe.
My mind quiets down
and allows me to see
more
clearly
the beauty
of creation. And through
that
gratitude,
the
beauty of the
universe
is reflected back
to
the creator.
I am constantly astonished to see the number of adults who feel
that play is a waste of time, that people who play are
irresponsible or somehow not "acting their age."
These are people who have come to believe that play is somehow
just for children, and because they no longer practice the art,
they never experience any of the benefits that play can bring to
them.
Play, though, could be one of the most important elements of
anyone's life. If we allow ourselves--and even push
ourselves--to play, then we open up doors of our imagination and
creativity that otherwise would lay dormant, undiscovered and
undeveloped as we continue to do the same old things all the time,
thinking about the same issues and the same ideas. When we
play, though, we immerse ourselves in the present moment and we
focus wholly on what we're doing, whether that's throwing or
catching a Frisbee or a ball, climbing a tree, creating a fort,
playing tag or laser tag, spraying each other with water guns,
shooting baskets, or whatever else qualifies as "play"
in our lives.
It
is paradoxical that many educators and parents still
differentiate
between a time for learning and a time for
play
without seeing the vital connection between them.
In many ways,
play is very similar to meditation, and it brings us
many of the same benefits. When we involve
ourselves fully in the play of the moment, our minds
are free to focus on right here and right now, and
for that period of time our cares and worries are
not the main focus of our thinking. This
happens, of course, if we allow ourselves to be
completely at play, and not make a half-baked effort
at it. If we start playing tag with the kids,
then we need to be playing tag, and not thinking
about the bills or the work that we have to do
tomorrow. If we're playing Scrabble, then our
minds should be on the letters we have and the words
we can make, and not on something that someone said
yesterday that's still bothering us.
Whenever I go to picnics or other similar
activities, you won't find me with the adults, most
of whom sit around on blankets or at picnic tables
talking about the same things that they talked about
yesterday and last week, talking about work and
problems and things that are everywhere but where
they are in the present moment--they're usually not
talking about what a nice park they're in or how
pretty the trees are. Yesterday's problems
belong to a different time and place, but they bring
them to the park anyway.
The kids, on the other hand, are involving
themselves in the moment with their play, and that's
where you'll find me. I have fun playing,
mostly just because it's fun to play. But I
also get many other benefits from it--I get a decent
workout, I get to clear my mind of a lot of the junk
that accumulates there (and believe me, my mind
knows how to pick up junk), and I get to share time
with kids and learn how they see the world and how
they react to it. And the play is usually
quite simple--it doesn't need to be complex for us
to be involved in it.
The real joy of life is in its
play. Play is
anything we
do for the
joy
and love
of doing it, apart
from
any
profit, compulsion,
or sense
of duty. It is the
real
living of
life with the
feeling
of freedom and
self-expression. Play is
the
business of childhood,
and its
continuation in
later years
is the
prolongation of youth.
Walter Rauschenbusch
I think that
Leslie is quite right when she says (below) that
many adults avoid play because it seems like a waste
of time--work is a much better way to spend our
time, we believe. After all, we have to
accomplish something with our time, and have
something to show for it, don't we? That's
what we've learned so far in our lives, but it that
true? Not enough of us ever take the time
that's necessary to sit down and ask ourselves
honestly if that idea actually is true, or if it's a
belief that we've developed that actually is harming
us. Very few people who do take the time to do
so reach the conclusion that work and accomplishment
are the most important aspects of our lives, yet
because very few people even think about it, guess
where most of our beliefs are still centered?
Another problem with play these days is that too
many people consider play to be something that must
involve a computer or other technology. The
"games" on computers, though, are
developed with an eye towards addiction, and many
people spend many hours in front of computer and
television screens getting no benefits out of the
time at all--they're just being controlled by their
addiction. The games are designed to be
addictive because someone somewhere makes more money
if people are actually addicted to the games instead
of just playing them casually now and then.
The vast majority of such games ask for no
creativity at all, either--they simply ask the
player to react to things while sitting in a chair
or on a couch.
Play can be stimulating and creative; it can be fun
and rejuvenating. Play is a gift that has been
given to us that we've put up on a shelf as we've
gotten older, and we keep it there, waiting for that
perfect day when we'll allow ourselves to play once
more. It's like a starving person leaving a
loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter in the
pantry, just waiting for the day when he or she
needs them. But guess what? If you're
starving, you need that food! And if you're
human, you need that play if you're to live your
life fully and completely, for the benefits of play
are necessary, and play is one of the most precious
gifts that we've been given.
Why
is play so elusive for some grown-ups? Because we are so
strongly attracted
and attached to a profoundly goal-oriented, work-ethic-driven
society. Like
other forms of non-work, play connotes wastefulness, a stoppage in
the way of
what needs to get done. Yet often what really needs to get
done has more to do
with our hearts and spirits and less to do with a deadline or
longstanding project.
Play beckons to us, urging us to live in the present moment, a
moment that
becomes more luminous when we disallow interruptions like work and
worry.
How can you
play today? What can you do--even if just for
ten or twenty minutes--that qualifies as play,
that's fun to you, that brings your mind to a clear
focus on the present moment and its activities, and
that doesn't involve a computer, cell phone, or
other technology? If you give it a chance,
you'll find that it's fairly easy to reclaim the
ability to play that you left behind as you grew to
be an adult. And once you do that, you'll
learn that you actually can learn more while you're
playing than you can while you're working, as long
as you allow yourself to be fully involved in the
play. And once we learn that, imagine how our
perspectives on life will grow into something much
more than they are now?
Start counting your mistakes on a daily basis and try to increase them by
ten percent. That will require you to stretch and grow. Try
not mentioning
other people's mistakes. Take risks; be tolerant of yourself and
others. . . .
Mistakes are the dues of a good and full life. Stretch and enjoy.
I remembered one morning when I
discovered a cocoon in the bark
of a tree, just as the
butterfly was making a hole in its case
and preparing to
come out. I waited a while, but it was too long appearing
and I was impatient. I bent over it and breathed on it to
warm it. I warmed it
as quickly as I could and the
miracle began to happen before my eyes,
faster than life. The case opened, the butterfly started slowly crawling
out
and I shall never forget my horror when I saw how its
wings
were folded back and crumpled; the wretched
butterfly tried
with its whole trembling body to unfold
them. Bending over it,
I tried to help it with my breath. In vain. It needed to be hatched out patiently
and the
unfolding of the wings should be a gradual process in the
sun. Now it was too late. My breath had forced the
butterfly to appear,
all crumpled, before its time. It
struggled desperately and,
a few seconds later, died in
the palm of my hand.
That little body is, I do believe, the greatest weight
I
have on my conscience. For I realize today that it is a
mortal sin
to violate the great laws of nature. We should
not hurry,
we should not be impatient, but we should
confidently
obey the eternal rhythm.
It
becomes necessary to learn how to clear the mind of all clouds,
to
free it of all useless ballast and debris by dismissing
the burden of
too much concern with material things.
Indra
Devi
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
™
