On
Love
Kent Nerburn
Too often,
when love comes to people, they try to grasp the love and hold it
to them, refusing to see that it is a gift freely given and a gift
that just as freely moves away. When they fall out of love,
or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try
desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting
the gift for what it was.
They want
answers where there are no answers. They want to know what
is wrong with them, or they try to get their lover to change,
thinking that if some small thing were different love would bloom
again. They blame their circumstances. They blame each
other. They try anything to give meaning to what has
happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself,
and until they accept its own mysterious ways they live in a sea
of misery.
You need to
treat what love brings you with kindness. If you find
yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle
with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love
just doesn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.
If you find
someone else in love with you toward whom you feel no love, feel
honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse
the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not
cause pain. How you deal with love is how love will deal
with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if
our lives and ways are very different.
If you fall in
love with another who falls in love with you, and then chooses to
leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. let it
go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will
know it in time, but time itself will choose the moment.
Remember this
and keep it in your heart. You don't choose love. Love
chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its
mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills
you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it
back to the person who brought it to you. Give it to others
who seem poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in
any way you can.
Love has its
own time, its own season, and its own reasons for coming and
going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into
staying. If it chooses to leave, from your heart or from the
heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and nothing you
should do. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your
life. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come
again.
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