1 July 2024         

   

Good day!
As we start the second half of the year on this day, we want to wish
you all the best in the closing half--may you do the things you dream of
doing, and may you do all that you do with all your heart and spirit!

    

   

   

The Power of Beliefs
Sue Patton Thoele

How to Make People Like You Instantly
Dale Carnegie

Happiness
tom walsh

   

   

     
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Simple and Profound Thoughts
(from Simple and Profound)

In character, in manners, in style, in all things the supreme excellence is simplicity.    -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I believe the art of living consists not so much in complicating simple things as in simplifying things that are not.    -François Hertel

The highest service we can perform for others is to help them help themselves.    -Horace Mann

Wisdom is not to be obtained from textbooks, but must be coined out of human experience in the flame of life.   -Morris Raphael Cohen

   

  
The Power of Beliefs
Sue Patton Thoele

Each of us functions within a set of beliefs.  In our lives, belief systems create order and structure.  They make important decisions easier, and they provide the basis for our integrity, ethics, and philosophy.  Our personalities are structured by the beliefs we learned from parents, teachers, friends, and the culture around us.

For a great many of us, our parents' spoken and unspoken beliefs have become our own.  As adults we no longer need to be told right from wrong because our parents' voices are ingrained in us, telling us how to behave and what's expected of us.

Our beliefs also arise from the ways we interpret what we see and hear as we grow up.  And it's interesting to note that our beliefs frequently are based far more on interpretation than on fact.  Virginia always broke corncobs in two before boiling them.  She never questioned the logic of that behavior until her son asked her about it one day.  She did it because her mother did it.  When he probed further, her discovered that his grandmother had a very logical explanation:  her pots were too small to accommodate the large ears of corn grown in their fields.  Virginia's belief was a habit based not on an acknowledged truth but on her own, unexamined interpretation of her mother's actions as right and proper, whatever their origin.

Our belief systems can also be created from fear.

If we fear rejection or disapproval, we may believe that it isn't safe to disagree with others.  When our views run contrary to popular opinion, we may find it hard to speak our minds.  Why?  Because we fear the consequences.

The culture around us also propagates inaccurate beliefs, such as that men are more powerful than women or that men should make more money because they have families to support--a popular belief that statistics refute.  (At least 30 percent of all households in America today are wholly supported by women, according to the Census Bureau. And I bet those statistics are low.). . . .

Positive beliefs guide us; false beliefs handicap us. . . .

An extremely important part of our work toward emotional growth and change will come from examining our belief systems regarding all areas of life.  To gain the courage to be yourself, you need to address the beliefs that are keeping you stuck where you are.  What beliefs, assumptions, and attitudes are you holding onto even though they no longer enhance your life?  It is possible to free yourself from worn-out beliefs and acquire ones that bring happiness, strength, and self-esteem.

What we believe we may become.

more thoughts and ideas on beliefs

   


   
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How to Make People Like You Instantly
Dale Carnegie

I was waiting in line to register a letter in the post office at Thirty-third Street and Eighth Avenue in New York.  I noticed that the clerk appeared to be bored with the job--weighing envelopes, handing out stamps, making change, issuing receipts--the same monotonous grind year after year.  So I said to myself:  "I am going to try to make that clerk like me.  Obviously, to make him like me, I must say something nice, not about myself, but about him."  And I asked myself, "What is there about him that I can honestly admire?"  That is sometimes a hard question to answer, especially with strangers; but, in this case, it happened to be easy.  I instantly saw something that I admired no end.

So while he was weighing my envelope, I remarked with enthusiasm:  "I certainly wish I had your head of hair."

He looked up, half-startled, his face beaming with a smile.  "Well, it isn't as good as it used to be," he said modestly.  I assured him that although it might have lost some of its pristine glory, nevertheless it was still magnificent.  He was immensely pleased.  We carried on a pleasant little conversation and the last thing he said to me was:  "Many people have admired my hair."

I'll bet that person went out to lunch that day walking on air.  I'll bet he went home that night and told his wife about it.  I'll bet he looked in the mirror and said:  "It is a beautiful head of hair."

I told this story once in public and a man asked me afterwards:  "What did you want to get out of him?"

What was I trying to get out of him!!!  What was I trying to get out of him!!!

If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return--if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.

Oh, yes, I did want something out of that chap.  I wanted something priceless.  And I got it.  I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to do anything whatever in return for me.  That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past.

There is one all-important law of human conduct.  If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble.  In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness.  But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.  The law is this:  Always make the other person feel important.  John Dewey said that the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature; and William James said:  "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated."  As I have already pointed out, it is this urge that differentiates us from the animals.  It is this urge that has been responsible for civilization itself.

You want the approval of those with whom you come in contact.  You want recognition of your true worth.  You want a feeling that you are important in your little world.  You don't want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation.  You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwab put it, "hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise."  All of us want that.

So let's obey the Golden Rule, and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.

How?  When?  Where?  The answer is:  All the time, everywhere.
  

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People who take the risk make a tremendous discovery:  The more things
you care about, and the more intensely you care, the more alive you are.
This capacity for caring can illuminate any relationship:  marriage, family,
friendships--even the ties of affection that often join humans and animals.
Each of us is born with some of it, but whether we let it expand or diminish
is largely up to us.  To care, you have to surrender the armor of indifference.
You have to be willing to act, to make the first move.

Arthur Gordon

   

 

Happiness

I know some people who, I'm sorry to say, probably will never be happy.  They're living on the same planet as the rest of us, have the same opportunities as those people around them, know people who are very similar to the people everyone else knows, and whose bodies function just as well as other people's bodies, yet they look at the world in dark and depressing ways.  They don't see opportunity, but rather limitations.  They don't see other people as potential friends or at least fellow travelers to the grave; rather, they see them as threats or at the very most as wastes of their time.

Sometimes I feel that the main goal in life is to be happy, and from happiness, all other good things will spring.  The truly happy person is more likely to serve others, to feel hope and compassion, to love others unconditionally, because they don't have a lot of emotional needs that they expect others to fulfill.  They're happy because they see the world as a bright and beautiful place, and they're right there in the middle of it.  And they're happy because they've made the most of their opportunities, and they're grateful for having had them.  And they're happy because they've spread love to others, even in very small ways that may seem insignificant to other people who probably aren't all that happy because they need to judge all the things that other people do.

   

The happiness which we receive from ourselves is greater than that which we obtain from our surroundings. . . .The world in which a person lives shapes itself chiefly by the way in which he or she looks at it.

Arthur Schopenhauer

   
As I grow older and older, I realize that most of my happiness depends upon me and not just on the ways that I see the world, but also on the ways that I act in the world.  I can see the world as a wonderful place, but if I don't contribute to that wonder, I'm pretty sure that I won't be happy.  Therefore, I'm busier in some ways than many other people who have hours a day to spend in front of the television or computer screen, but I'm busy doing things that I love doing, so that's okay.  (I still need rests from these things, though, but that's for next week!)  I don't feel obligated to contribute and I don't feel that others judge me harshly if I don't contribute, but the ways I feel when I do contribute make it all completely worthwhile.

I've also learned to keep my expectations fairly low, not because I don't think that others are capable of meeting high expectations, but because my judgment doesn't help other people to grow and thrive and be happy themselves.  I don't know where other people are in their journeys, and there's no justification for me to expect them to be at certain points that they may or may not have reached yet.  They are where they are, and it's my responsibility--especially with my students--to find out where that is and meet them there rather than expecting them to meet me where I am.
    

It was probably a mistake to pursue happiness; much better to create happiness; still better to create happiness for others.  The more happiness you created for others the more would be yours—a solid satisfaction that no one could ever take away from you.

Lloyd Douglas

    
I want to be happy, but I don't want to be so at the expense of others--I don't want to find my happiness in the act of defeating others or making them less than they are.  I want to be happy, but I can't just simply sit around and wait for the world to make me happy--I need to take an active role in finding and maintaining the happy states in my life.  I know that I would not be happy doing something like going to the beach every day for the rest of my life and sitting in the sun.  That's a very enjoyable pastime now and then, but it doesn't make for a life.  I'll never be happy watching television for hours every day--then I'm passively taking in other people's work, other people's perspectives, other people's creativity.

I'm fortunate to have identified some of my strengths, and the things that I'm strongest at are the things that I'm using right now to contribute to others.  I'm a good runner, so I'm volunteering my time to help coach a kids' track and cross-country team.  I'm good at languages, so I'm teaching languages right now as my main source of income.  I'm good at reading and interpreting literature, so I've spent many years teaching others to do the same thing in my English classes.  I'm good at writing, so I'm trying to write as much as I can in ways that may or may not help others--I can't control whether those ways actually do help others, but I can put my stuff out there for others to access, and let life take care of the rest.
   

The life that is sharing in the interests, the welfare, and the happiness
of others is the one that is continually expanding in beauty
and in power and, therefore, in happiness.

Ralph Waldo Trine

   
Perhaps the key to all my efforts are the last seven words there:  "let life take care of the rest."  I've identified my strengths and I'm using them, but happiness would still be hard to find if I had high expectations about how people react to what I do.  As a teacher, I don't get disappointed in students who don't understand what I'm teaching, for that disappointment would drag me down.  Rather, I look for other ways to present the material so that they may get it easier.  As a coach, I don't expect every runner to improve their times by certain amounts--instead, I'm glad when they put forth the effort because I know that not everyone's mind and body are ready for the type of running that we're doing.  My happiness does not depend on their performance, though I do make every effort that I can to help them to improve.

There are things that I'm bad at, too, and I do not let those things erode or deteriorate my happiness.  I accept my lack of ability and do the best I can in those areas, and I even try to improve in them, but I don't beat myself up about them if I don't perform to certain standards.  While I'm quite good at painting the walls of a room, I'm not very good at all at painting pictures.  That's okay.  I'm quite good at encouraging other people, but I'm not good at all at meeting strangers, except in certain well-defined situations.  That's okay--I'll never be a social butterfly, but I can live with that.  If my social calendar were fuller, I wouldn't have time to do many of the other things that I do.

I want to be happy, and it's important that I do the things that will make me happy and that I do my best to add something positive to the lives of others.  That will give me the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that will help me to be happy, as long as I don't mess it up by adding to the mix expectations that probably can't be met--which would lead to my disappointment, which would diminish my happiness, etc., etc.  My happiness is within my reach because I determine whether I'm creating the conditions in which it can thrive or not, and I determine just what I need to do to make happiness a real part of my life.

   
More on happiness.

   

   

   

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Lack of activity destroys the good condition of
every human being, while movement and
methodical physical exercise
save it and preserve it.

Plato

  
Working with children on the writing of poetry has led me to ponder the ways that most of us become exiled from the certainties of childhood; how it is that the things we most treasure when we're young are exactly those things we come to spurn as teenagers and young adults.  Very small children are often conscious of God, for example, in ways that adults seldom are.  They sing to God, they talk to God, they recognize divine presence in the world around them. . . . Yet these budding theologians often despise church by the time they're in eighth grade.

In a similar way, the children who un-selfconsciously make up songs and poems when they're young--I once observed a three-year-old singing a passionate ode to the colorful vegetables in a supermarket--quickly come to regard poetry as meaningless and irrelevant. . . . I wonder if children don't begin to reject both poetry and religion for similar reasons, because the way both are taught takes the life out of them.  If we teach children when they're young to reject their epiphanies, then it's no wonder that we end up with so many adults who are poetically and theologically illiterate.

Kathleen Norris
The Cloister Walk
   

  

When we can begin to take our failures non-seriously,
it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them.
It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves.

Katherine Mansfield

    

  

Yes, life can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's actually rather dependable and reliable.  Some principles apply to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning.  I use it a lot when I teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.  What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or generous, compassionate or arrogant?  In this book, I've done my best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life, writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.  Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too!
Universal Principles of Living Life Fully.  Awareness of these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration out of the lives we lead.

   
    

   

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