24 June 2024         

   

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Forgetting Ourselves
Dale Carnegie 

Generousness
Dan Morley

Our New Addictions
tom walsh

   

   

     
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Simple and Profound Thoughts
(from Simple and Profound)

Riches should be admitted into our houses, but not into our hearts; we may take them into our possession, but not into our affections.   -Pierre Charron

All skill ought to be exerted for universal good.  Every person has owed much to others and ought to repay the kindness that they have received.   -Samuel Johnson

Do not think it wasted time to submit yourself to any influence which may bring upon you any noble feeling.    -John Ruskin

There is no power on earth that can neutralize the influence of a high, pure, simple, and useful life.   -Booker T. Washington

   

  
Forgetting Ourselves
Dale Carnegie


I could fill a book with stories of people who forgot themselves into health and happiness.  For example, let's take the case of Margaret Tayler Yates, one of the most popular women in the United States Navy.

Mrs. Yates is a writer of novels, but none of her mystery stories is half so interesting as the true story of what happened to her that fateful morning when the Japanese struck our fleet at Pearl Harbor.  Mrs. Yates had been an invalid for more than a year:  bad heart.  She spent twenty-two out of every twenty-four hours in bed.  The longest journey that she undertook was a walk into the garden to take a sunbath.  Even then, she had to lean on the maid's arm as she walked.  She herself told me that in those days she expected to be an invalid for the balance of her life.  "I would never have really lived again," she told me, "if the Japanese had not struck Pearl Harbor and jarred me out of my complacency."

"When this happened," Mrs. Yates said, as she told her story, "everything was chaos and confusion.  One bomb struck so near my home, the concussion threw me out of bed.  Army trucks rushed out to Hickam Field, Scofield Barracks, and Kaneohe Bay Air Station, to bring Army and Navy wives and children to the public schools.

"There the Red Cross telephoned those who had extra rooms to take them in.  The Red Cross workers knew that I had a telephone beside my bed, so they asked me to be a clearinghouse of information.

"So I kept track of where Army and Navy wives and children were being housed, and all Navy and Army men were instructed by the Red Cross to telephone me to find out where their families were.

"I soon discovered that my husband, Commander Robert Raleigh Yates, was safe.  I tried to cheer up the wives who did not know whether their husbands had been killed; and I tried to give consolation to the widows whose husbands had been killed--and they were many.  Two thousand, one hundred and seventeen officers and enlisted men in the Navy and Marine Corps were killed and 960 were reported missing.

"At first I answered these phone calls while lying in bed.  Then I answered them sitting up in bed.  Finally, I got so busy, so excited, that I forgot all about my weakness and got out of bed and sat by a table.  By helping others who were much worse off than I was, I forgot all about myself; and I have never gone back to bed again except for my regular eight hours of sleep each night.  I realize now that if the Japanese had not struck at Pearl Harbor, I would probably have remained a semi-invalid all my life.  I was comfortable in bed.  I was constantly waited on, and I now realize that I was unconsciously losing my will to rehabilitate myself.

"The attack on Pearl Harbor was one of the greatest tragedies in American history, but as far as I was concerned, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  The terrible crisis gave me strength that I never dreamed I possessed.  It took my attention off myself and focused it on others.  It gave me something big and vital and important to live for.  I no longer had time to think about myself or care about myself."

A third of the people who rush to psychiatrists for help could probably cure themselves if they could only do as Margaret Yates did:  get interested in helping others.  My idea?  No, that is approximately what Carl Jung said.  And he ought to know--if anybody does.  He said:  "About one-third of my patients are suffering from no clinically defined neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives."  To put it another way, they are trying to thumb a ride through life--and the parade passes them by.  So they rush to a psychiatrist with their petty, senseless, useless lives.  Having missed the boat, they stand on the wharf, blaming everyone except themselves and demanding that the world cater to their self-centered desires. . . .

However humdrum your existence may be, you surely meet some people every day of your life.  What do you do about them?  Do you merely stare through them, or do you try to find out what it is that makes them tick?  How about the postal delivery person, for example--they travel hundreds of miles every year, delivering your mail; but have you ever taken the trouble to find out where he or she lives, or asked to see a snapshot of his or her family?  Did you ever ask if he or she gets tired, or gets bored?

What about the grocery boy, the newspaper vendor, the chap at the corner who polishes shoes?  These people are human--bursting with troubles, and dreams, and private ambitions.  They are also burning for the chance to share them with someone.  But do you ever let them?  Do you ever show an eager, honest interest in them or their lives?  That's the sort of thing I mean.  You don't have to become a Florence Nightingale or a social reformer to help improve the world--your own private world; you can start tomorrow morning with the people you meet!

What's in it for you?  Much greater happiness!  Greater satisfaction, and pride in yourself!  Aristotle called this kind of attitude "enlightened selfishness."  Zoroaster said, "Doing good to others is not a duty.  It is a joy, for it increases your own health and happiness."  And Benjamin Franklin summed it up very simply--"When you are good to others," said Franklin, "you are best to yourself."

more thoughts and ideas on serving others

   


   
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Generousness (a new word)
Dan Morley

Sharon and I like to take mini-retreats whenever we can.  This week we are in central Wisconsin.  I thought (this could be dangerous) that I would write something.

Being in a remote area deep in the woods kind of prompts me to use my senses and to be aware.  I am inspired by nature and especially so in the forest.  I observe the birds playing in the treetops, whitetail deer scraping the snow looking for acorns on the forest floor, wild turkeys perched high in the pine trees, and the squirrels taking advantage of the fallen seeds from the feeders.

Any time of year is beautiful up here.  There is over two feet of snow today, making it hard to get around.  Thank Heaven for snowshoes.  We hiked to the kettle lake this morning and to our surprise, there was a wonderful fog rising off the lake with the warming temperatures.  Just what we needed for our meditation.  Sure couldn’t do this at home.  We are so grateful. . . .

So for us, understanding this connection to the natural world is a gift, a gift we try to pay forward through the love, concern, and knowledge of every living thing.  There is definitely an aliveness here, a vibration, an acceptance of everything around us, and that keeps me humble.

Within all of this there is a part of nature, that before I started my new life, I never knew existed.  The nature of people.  People who are generous.  People who are kind and giving.  People who would go out of their way to help you.  Those that you read about in books, those who are honest, hard-working and real.

They are people who build second homes in the woods with one condition, to share it with friends and family.  Others who are fortunate to have a cabin in the Colorado Rockies, and let you use it more than they do.  The ones that have the ability to love unconditionally, and of course, are generous.  Yes, they do exist!  And yes, I do have people like this in my life.  Pretty overwhelming, I dare to say.  A great source of my inspiration, just extraordinary people living their dream.

Sometimes I think that we have the ability to change the world, if we just listen and be humble.  My friends have sure changed my world.  Through their living, they have changed my way of life.  I have learned to be more compassionate, responsible, and giving.  I want to help people!  We need to help people!

I wouldn’t have said that twenty years ago.  I lived a life of ego and chaos through disease.  You see, I have been sober for the last twenty years and learning a whole new life.  I am able to see the beauty of Nature and am starting to understand it.  I’m experiencing the generosity of people and am humbled by it.  I’m practicing forgiveness and am a part of something much greater than myself.

Sharon and I are fortunate to be able to facilitate nature-based retreats where I work, to give people some sort of peace for a day.  God only knows we need it, giving back in a small way.

So, here I am watching my two Golden Retrievers staring out the window with great intent at those pesky squirrels!  Talking about living in the moment—I wish it was that simple.  So, going forward I would like to leave an intention with you:  Live today with love and compassion.  You never know who or what might need it.  And, just maybe, “generousness” will be a new word. . . .

B-STILL, DAN

  

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Passion doesn't come from business or books or even a connection with
another person.  It is a connection to your own life force, the world around
you and the spirit that connects us all.  You are the source.  Books, work,
music, people, sunsets all provide sparks, but only you can light the fire.

Jennifer James
Success Is the Quality of Your Journey

   

 
Our New Addictions

Life in this world moves very quickly these days, and things change sometimes faster than we're able to keep up with.  Sometimes something that ends up being harmful to us is a part of our culture for years before we realize the harm that's being done--just look at how long cigarettes were a normal part of life until we realized  how damaging they were to our health, and then add to that the amount of time it took us to reach a point at which not smoking is more "normal" and acceptable than smoking, and you see that we're not always very good at recognizing serious problems even when they're staring us right in the face (or entering our lungs and causing serious health problems).

These days, we still have our share of damaging addictions to chemicals such as methamphetamine and alcohol and tobacco, but we also have in our societies several new addictive tendencies that can be ignored because they seem so harmless--mostly because they don't have any serious physical side effects that we can witness.  But these addictions are taking over many people, especially the young, and making life much more difficult for them.  Unless we do something to help the young people combat these addictions, it seems quite certain that they're going to develop the addictive sides of their personalities much more strongly than other aspects of who they are, and that may make things much more difficult for them in the future.
   

I am one of those people at the restaurant with her spouse, waiting and feeling lonely.  My husband is always looking at his phone, checking his email or his bank account, his Facebook, and his texts.  I just sit waiting and thinking to myself, Why am I not good enough for him?  Why does he have to be entertained by everyone and everything else?  It deeply depresses me and he just cannot understand my point of view.

unattributed

   
In working with high school students over the last few years, I've found that many students who have cell phones have become addicted to sending and receiving text messages.  I've watched students sit though entire classes learning absolutely nothing because they're so focused on keeping their cell phones hidden, while surreptitiously glancing at the screen every thirty seconds or so to see if they've received a new message.  And when that new message does come, they do everything they can to reply to it without getting caught, taking their minds even further from the work at hand.

Their lack of ability to focus on the task at hand (learning) is very real, and it has a strong effect on the work that they do and the grades they receive.  These effects in turn affect intrinsic elements of their beings, such as their self-esteem, self-image, and confidence.  In addition, according to a CBS News article, “The problem here is we don’t get the nonverbal training that we need for later in life, on a job interview, talking with a friend, consoling friends,” said child psychologist David Swanson. “We’re missing that along the way.”

If I told you that you were much more likely to get into a car accident if you were to play a video game while driving, you probably wouldn't play the game, right?  Unfortunately, people aren't nearly as likely to give up their cell phones.  A recent article from England states:  "Drivers texting while driving, on the other hand, are 23 times more likely to be involved in an accident."  Twenty-three times is a huge increase, yet many people aren't willing to give up their texting in order to focus on their driving.
    

A previous study showed that young people are now so addicted to their mobile phones it feels like they have lost a limb when they are without them.  Some said they felt so bereft without their iPhone or Blackberry that it evokes similar feelings to the "phantom limb" syndrome suffered by amputees.

Richard Alleyne

    
The downside here is significant.  How can you live your life fully if you're full of regret for having caused an accident that killed an innocent person because you were texting?  How can you feel proud of yourself when you constantly bend or break the rules at school in order to sneak out a text message or two per class?  How can you feel pride in your work when you know that of the three hours you spent on the project, at least forty-five minutes were spent reading and sending text messages?

Other new addictions include addictions to information, addictions to television, addictions to video games, and the like.  Each of these addictions have several similarities--they involve people being passively entertained, instead of going out and doing something they can be proud of.  They involve people learning to interact with computers or TV screens, rather than learning how to interact with their fellow human beings.  They involve people squandering the little time that they've been given on this planet, time that could be used to do very positive things for themselves and other people.
   

In the last 15 years the cell phone has conquered the world.  I could make a list of 50 ways these phones have improved our lives.   But if you’re like me and can remember what life was like before we all got cell phones, you may wonder if all the changes are really for the good.  Remember those days when you could go to a movie—or to church—and not worry about being distracted by ringing phones or by the white glow of someone texting a friend?  Remember when meetings at work weren’t interrupted by phone calls that people just had to accept?

Dave Boehi

   
And while I fully believe in rest and in taking time for ourselves to relax and recharge, I know that spending hours and hours in front of the TV or with the cell phone is losing time that we'll never get back, and losing opportunities to grow and learn and to help others.

Our new addictions are in some ways even more insidious than some of our older ones, mostly because we don't clearly see the physical manifestations of them and because they're so easy to explain away as simply "pastimes."  But if we truly do want to get the most out of these lives that we've been given, it's important that we be fully aware of how we spend our time and energy.

   

   
   

   

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Nothing is too great or too good to be true.  Do not
believe that we can imagine things better than they are.
In the long run, in the ultimate outlook, in the eye of the Creator,
the possibilities of existence, the possibilities open to us, are
beyond our imagination.

Joseph Wood Krutch

  
Don't think it was a natural process for me to leave my personality behind and put on a character.  Something deep inside me continued to rebel; one part of me wanted to keep on being myself, while the other part, the part that wanted to be loved, tried to comply with the world's demands.  I detested my mother and the superficial, empty manner she had. I detested her, and yet slowly, against my will, I was becoming just like her.  That is the great, terrible blackmail of every upbringing, the one it's just about impossible to escape.  No child can live without love.  That's why we follow the model prescribed to us, even if we don't like it at all, even if we think it's wrong.  The effects of this transaction persist into adulthood.  When you become a mother it resurfaces whether you want it to or not, you may not even notice it, but it's shaping your actions once again.  So when your mother was born, I was absolutely convinced I'd behave differently.  And in fact I did, but the differences were superficial and completely false.  To avoid imposing on your mother a model like the one that had been imposed on me at a tender age, I always left her free to make choices.  I wanted her to feel she had my approval in everything she did.  I constantly told her, "We're two different people and each of us must respect the other's differences."

There was a mistake in all this, a serious mistake.  Do you know what it was?  It was my lack of identity.  Even though I was now an adult, I wasn't secure about anything.  I wasn't able to love myself or have esteem for myself.

Susanna Tamaro
from Follow Your Heart
   

  

I find nature so nourishing.  I love to hike, especially in the mountains.
When I'm walking in nature, I feel in awe of the wonder of creation.
Nature is full of surprises, always changing, and we must change with it.
In nature, the soul is renewed and called to open and grow.
In the wilderness, you're up against whatever nature brings you--
the dangers as well as the beauty.

Linda Leonard

    

  

Yes, life can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's actually rather dependable and reliable.  Some principles apply to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning.  I use it a lot when I teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.  What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or generous, compassionate or arrogant?  In this book, I've done my best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life, writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.  Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too!
Universal Principles of Living Life Fully.  Awareness of these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration out of the lives we lead.

   
    

   

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