When
you use this superlative form of thinking, you focus on
taking the best actions to accomplish what’s most
important. You automatically use words like
"best," "greatest," "most
productive," and "maximize."
One
of the most exciting aspects of Optimal Thinking is that
at this very moment and at any time in the future, you can
optimize your thinking. Just as you can choose to think
positively or negatively, you can choose to think
Optimally or suboptimally. You can easily take the quantum
leap!
Imagine
you agree to meet a friend for dinner at an average
restaurant. Your choice of dress is mediocre. The
restaurant is moderately attractive and the chairs are
reasonably comfortable. The food is somewhat ordinary,
nothing to write home about. The background music is okay.
Your friend is basically a suboptimal thinker. She talks
about her husband for most of the evening. She tells you
that he is giving her a hard time and that she’s fed up.
She even cracks some pretty good jokes at his expense. You
listen and agree that he’s a jerk. You don’t attempt
to find a solution.
Let’s
tune in on part of the conversation:
SUBOPTIMAL
THINKER: My husband is really getting on my nerves. He
treats me well sometimes, but he’s verbally abusive.
I’m tired of walking on eggshells around him. When it
comes to our relationship, he always gives his full 34%!
SUBOPTIMAL
YOU: He’s a jerk. Why do you put up with him?
SUBOPTIMAL
THINKER: I’m afraid of being alone and I don’t believe
I’ll find anyone better.
SUBOPTIMAL
YOU: If that’s how you feel, I guess you’re just going
to have to grin and bear it.
How
do you both feel now?
Now
imagine yourself as an Optimal Thinker. You arrange to
meet the same friend for dinner at your favorite
restaurant. You are looking your best. The ambiance is
just right and the seating is entirely comfortable. You
agree that the food couldn’t be better. The resident
pianist even plays your favorite music.
Your
friend shares her problem. You direct the conversation
toward discovering the best solution and the most
effective actions to implement. You assist your friend in
minimizing her weaknesses and maximizing her strengths and
opportunities. You focus on her finest attributes,
favorite activities, and the best means of achieving her
most important goals. You bring out the best in her!
Let’s
tune in now to your Optimal responses to the same comments
previously made by your friend:
SUBOPTIMAL
THINKER: My husband is really getting on my nerves. He
treats me well sometimes, but he’s verbally abusive.
I’m tired of walking on eggshells around him. When it
comes to our relationship, he always gives his full 34%!
OPTIMAL
YOU: It sounds like you’re having a really hard time.
Why are you tolerating his bad behavior? What are your
options? What do you think is the best way to resolve
this?
SUBOPTIMAL
THINKER: I don’t stand up to him because I’m scared
he’ll leave me, and I’m afraid of being alone. I just
can’t keep tolerating the abuse.
OPTIMAL
YOU: So what’s your best strategy?
SUBOPTIMAL
THINKER: I need to overcome my fear of being alone. I have
noticed that when I treat myself respectfully, I like my
own company. I’ll just have to refuse to tolerate his
hostile behavior.
OPTIMAL
YOU: That sounds right. What’s the most effective way to
approach this so that you achieve what’s best for both
of you?
SUBOPTIMAL
THINKER: Good question. The next time my husband is
verbally abusive, I’ll say: "I love you, but this
behavior is no longer acceptable to me. I can’t be
available for this. When you’re ready to treat me
respectfully, please let me know." I will remove
myself from his presence if he continues to treat me
badly.
How
do you both feel now? How does it feel to be your best and
bring out the best in others? This is what Optimal
Thinking is all about! With practice, Optimal Thinking
will become second nature to you.
Rosalene
Glickman, Ph.D. Creator and Author of Optimal
Thinking,
http://www.optimalthinking.com/
The
global community for Optimal Thinkers. Optimize
your life by making the most of your
thinking.
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