Self-Love
an excerpt from Further along the Road Less Traveled
M. Scott Peck
What do I mean
by self-love?
Back when I
worked as a psychiatrist in the army, the military was interested
in what made successful people click, and so a dozen such people
from different branches of the service were gathered together for
study. They were men and women in their late thirties or
early forties who had all been markedly successful. They had
been promoted ahead of their contemporaries, yet they also seemed
to be popular. Those who had families seemed to be enjoying
a happy family life, their children were doing well in school and
were well adjusted. These people seemed to have a golden
touch.
They were
studied in various dimensions, sometimes as a group, sometimes
individually. As a part of the study they were asked to
write down on a piece of paper -- and they did not have the chance
to consult with one another about this issue -- the three most
important things in their life, in order of priority.
There were two
phenomena that were quite remarkable about the way the group
handled this task. One was the seriousness with which they
took it. The first to return his answer sheet took well over
forty minutes, and a number of the people took more than an hour,
even though they knew that most of the group had finished.
The other thing that was remarkable was that, while the second and
third items on their lists ranged all over the map, all twelve had
written exactly the same answer for number one:
"Myself." Not "Love." Not
"God." Not "My family." But
"Myself."
And that, I
suggest, was an expression of mature self-love. Self-love
implies the care, respect, and responsibility for and the
knowledge of the self. Without loving one's self one cannot
love others. But do not confuse self-love with
self-centeredness. These successful men and women were
loving spouses and parents and caring supervisors.
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