Welcome
to our final issue of August--autumn is making its
way to us
slowly but steadily, and soon those of us in the
northern hemisphere will
be treated to cool days and lovely colors as leaves
lose their green!
But we still have almost four weeks of summer left,
so enjoy them
as much as you possibly can!
It was the four-year-old's birthday.
Around the room were strewn heaps of wrapping
papers and tangles of ribbon. Everyone
smiled expectantly when the mother said,
"Dear, what do you say now?"
The child answered, "Where are the rest of
my presents?"
That may be typical behavior for a
four-year-old, but how many of us still ask
similar questions? "Is this all I
get?" There seems to be an
expectation of more--of something better, newer,
faster, hotter, colder, bigger, grander.
We can be grateful for the things we have, or we
can focus on things we don't have and make
ourselves and others miserable. Our mind
has the power to determine if we'll be satisfied
or left wanting more. What is it we want
so badly? What is this emptiness we may be
trying to fill?
Winston Churchill loved to tell the story of a
little boy who fell off a pier into deep ocean
water. An old sailor, heedless of the
great danger to himself, dived into the stormy
water, struggled with the boy, and finally,
exhausted, brought the lad to safety. Two
days later, the boy's mother came with him to
the same pier, seeking the sailor who rescued
her son. Finding him, she asked, "Are
you the one who dived into the water and rescued
my son?"
"I am," the sailor replied.
The
mother then quickly demanded, "Well,
where's his hat?"
One might wonder how a hat could have such
importance when a child's life had been at
stake, but the story depicts how many people
focus on what wrong rather than what's
right. One of the great truth principles
is that the feeling of gratitude is a mighty
energy that attracts all manner of good things
to us. When we make an effort to practice
gratitude as a regular activity, it becomes
obvious that life can be good, very good, and
the expansively good! The universe
responds regularly to gratitude by providing
more opportunities, friends, activities, and
means for one's life to grow and expand.
Keep centered in the feeling of
thanksgiving. Your thanksgiving is a
celebration of the truth, which can become an
assurance of a continuity of blessings, leading
toward happiness for you.
With great courage, give thanks also for the
challenges in your life, for through them you
can grow stronger and more aware. The
limitations of the realm of appearances often
stand in the way of those who do not know this
great law of increase through praise and
thanksgiving.
One man who had reached the state of
consciousness of being grateful for everything
in his life was talking with some friends one
day and commented that, if given a nucleus, even
though it appeared useless, he could produce
something without the use of capital. His
friends challenged him to prove his
statement. They found a pile of scrap tin
which was about to be disposed of, chided him to
begin with that worthless pile, and then left
the shop laughing.
The man looked at the pile, concentrated his
mind on the tin, and said, "I am grateful
for this opportunity to open my mind to
spirit. This tin can tell me what it can
do, what it can shape and form, and what can
come out of it." Then he sat quietly
for a few minutes, holding a piece of tin in his
hand. There came to his mind a picture of
a little matchbox. So, he began to cut and
bend and pretty soon he had shaped a
matchbox. The man called to a boy who was
passing by and asked the lad to take the
matchbox and sell it for forty percent
commission. The boy sold the matchbox for
twenty-five cents. The man, from his share
of the profit, bought a bit of paint with which
to decorate other matchboxes he had made.
Several neighborhood boys were then recruited to
sell the colorful tin boxes. Over the
course of several weeks, the man's friends were
shown the results of considerable capital which
had been realized from the small and seemingly
worthless pile of tin scraps. The man
demonstrated the capital of creative ideas
coupled with an attitude of gratitude.
We often look for things outside ourselves to
satisfy our deepest hungers. We might hope
for fame to fill our desire for belonging, or we
may believe that money can bring satisfaction to
our cravings. Some may turn to drugs to
alter their senses so they don't have to be
conscious of failure and hopelessness.
These things result from the belief that we
don't have what we need to be happy and
productive.
"I can work better when I'm making more
money," someone may say. In truth,
better work brings greater rewards, and the best
work is done for the joy of working. A
great reward is a sense of having been of
service to others and doing the job well.
"When I'm famous, everyone will love
me," we may tell ourselves. But fame
doesn't bring true love. One is loved for
who one is, and everyone on the face of the
globe is worthy of being loved. This sense
of being loved and lovable is the thing that
attracts people to us. When we know we're
lovable, we can be alone without being
lonely. Knowing our true worth can be the
best defense against the empty feelings that
often lead one to mind-altering
substances. Being grateful for who we are
and what we have puts a smile on our face and
gives us a radiance that attracts even greater
things to us. . . .
Praise, not complaining, increases the good and
the blessing in whatever it is directed
toward. When we speak words of praise as
our consistent, joyous response to life, we
increase the good and draw out the best in
others. Isn't that the energy we want to
program into our daily livingness!
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A few years ago, when Dawn and I were in Key West for a
long weekend, we found ourselves on a street corner,
poring over a map with our three- and four-year-old
daughters at our side. The map was spread open, and
as we went back and forth about what to do next, our girls
jumped right in and told us exactly what they wanted to
do.
"We want to go to a museum of butterflies," said
Ariela and Eliana.
Dawn and I had never been to a museum of
butterflies. We looked at the map, and sure enough
there it was: a museum of butterflies. How our
girls knew about the place, we had no idea. It was
near the end of Duvall Street.
Dawn and I looked at each other and said, "Let's
go."
When we arrived at the museum, I bought tickets, and we
were directed to a special pressurized entrance (you know
the kind--the suction is so strong you get a new hairstyle
on the way in) at the center of the museum. And as
soon as we walked into the main area we were immediately
surrounded by thousands and thousands of butterflies, all
flapping their multicolored wings. They were
absolutely beautiful.
I looked down at our girls. They were jumping up and
down and clapping their hands.
I knew we had made the right decision to come to the
museum. They were having so much fun.
I turned to our museum tour guide--just because I was
curious--and asked, "How long do butterflies
live?"
She said, "About ten days."
I thought to myself, "Ten days. What can you do
in ten days?"
So I asked her, "What do butterflies do in ten
days?"
The guide stopped, looked at me, and said, "They make
the world a more beautiful place."
"Wow," I said. "I never thought about
butterflies like that. Thank you."
After we said goodbye, I couldn't stop thinking about what
the guide had said. She was right: We all have
something to offer the world with the time we have.
When we focus our natural gifts on taking care of each
other every day, we fulfill the Third Promise.
We Make a Difference.
Appreciate the impact you have on your family, friends,
coworkers, and neighbors. Like a butterfly, you have
your own way of making the world a little better for
everyone. Embrace the opportunity to contribute to
others. Your life matters. Make it a point in
coming days to demonstrate the impact you have on others
by offering a hand to people in need.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
You
can understand and relate to most people if you look at
them--
no matter how old or impressive they may be--as if they are children.
For most of us never really grow
up or mature all that much--we
simply grow taller.
Oh, to be sure, we laugh less and play less and
wear
uncomfortable disguises like adults, but beneath the
costume
is the child we always are, whose needs are
simple, whose
daily life is still best described by fairy
tales.
Leo
Rosten
What We Believe
I have many students in
college who believe that they're not as good as the other people
in the classes with them. I've felt the exact same thing for
most of my life, due to beliefs that were instilled in me when I
was very young. I learned to believe things that simply
never have been true--that I'm not as talented as other people,
that I'm not as worthy as other people, that my life has more
limits in it that other people's lives. Every day I run
across other people who have very limiting beliefs, too--people
who end up limiting themselves because of some flawed beliefs that
they have about who they are and how they fit into this world in
which we live.
I don't want to believe wrong things. I don't want to
believe that I'm not as good as other people, and I really do my
best to battle these beliefs when they rear their ugly heads and
try to limit me in my life. It's very frustrating to know
that so many of the limitations that I face are self-created
because of belief systems that I've held for years on end.
It's a very difficult task, though, to separate beliefs from
knowledge. Do I know that I'm not as good as other people,
or do I believe that? Because if I believe it, the chances
are that I'm actually going to act as if I weren't as good as
others, right?
And if I act that way, then how are others going to treat
me? They're going to be compelled to treat me the way that I
act. And then my belief actually becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Everything that happens
to you is a reflection of what you
believe about yourself. We
cannot outperform our level
of self-esteem. We cannot draw to
ourselves more
than we think we are worth.
Iyanla Vanzant
It's extremely
important that we not only recognize our own
beliefs, but also consider them carefully to judge
their accuracy and their helpfulness. If our
beliefs are flawed, then we need to know this.
If you believe that a certain act is rude but none
of the people you know also consider the act to be
rude, then you have to reconsider that belief.
Life changes, too, and things that we believed when
we were younger are no longer valid beliefs.
It used to be rude to wear a hat indoors, for
example, but that social norm has changed.
When I was young, the belief that a person was being
rude by wearing a hat indoors was a logical belief
based on social norms. That same belief today,
though, is completely inaccurate, as an entire
generation has grown to adulthood without that
social norm. My belief that wearing a hat
indoors is rude, then, is simply outdated and no
longer valid.
In this case, it's important to change that belief
if we don't want to constantly reach inaccurate
judgments about people and their actions.
Personally, I still don't feel comfortable wearing a
hat indoors, and I always take mine off when I go
inside. But I no longer look at other people
and think to myself that they're doing something
that's impolite, because I no longer believe that's
true. They're simply following the norms that
they've learned from their culture, and they
completely believe that there's no problem with what
they do.
A very powerful film that I once saw is called Prayers
for Bobby, about a woman whose son is gay.
She believes that this is wrong, and that he can be
changed or "healed," and that his sexual
orientation is deviant. When he commits
suicide, though, she's forced to confront her
beliefs about homosexuality, and she becomes a
strong advocate for gay rights because she's able to
recognize her beliefs and actually change
them. Her beliefs contributed to the loss of
her son, but by changing her beliefs she actually
improves the quality of her life. She's a
happier and more fulfilled person when she doesn't
feel the need to judge others for not living up to
what she believes is right.
We
are incredibly heedless in
the formation of our beliefs,
but find ourselves with an illicit
passion for them when
anyone proposes to rob us
of their companionship.
It is obviously not the ideas
themselves that are dear
to us, but our self-esteem
that is threatened.
James
Harvey
How many of our
beliefs are ours simply because we've learned them
from parents or some other authority figures?
How much do we believe simply because other people
that we like believe the same things?
And how many of our friends become our friends
because we believe similar things? How many
people do we reject out of hand as possible friends
because our beliefs don't match up? Shared
beliefs are very comforting to us, and they
definitely influence how we see other people--in
fact, much of our conversation tends to be about
looking for similarities in our belief
systems. As soon as someone says they agree
with us about a belief, we feel more comfortable
with that person, and we tend to want to spend more
time with him or her.
And James Harvey points out one of the more negative
aspects of beliefs--how they cause us to be
defensive as soon as someone challenges them.
How many arguments have we gotten into because we
disagree with another person about something we
believe in? How many opportunities to learn
have we lost because we believe something different
than what's being presented to us? How often
do we refuse to read something because the headline
tells us it's about something that we don't believe
in?
And as he also mentions, these beliefs have been
formed in ways that we're not always sure of.
Where do your beliefs come from? How did they
originate? We need to start paying attention
to their formation if we're going to be sure that
our beliefs serve us properly.
Become aware of your beliefs and automatic default settings.
Bring
them into
the light of your present, adult knowledge.
Gently
acknowledge that they
are what they are. Then accept
that they
constitute what you've believed until
now, and that you
can
transform them into beliefs that allow you to fully express
who you really are. Without judgment, patiently begin
working
to change
subconscious and limiting beliefs into true
expressions of your authentic self.
How do your
beliefs serve you? Do they help you to grow
and to learn and to become a better person, or do
they limit your openness to other ways of thinking,
other ways of seeing the world? Do you hide
behind your beliefs in fear of losing them? Do
they make you feel safe and secure? Do they
expand your mind and your consciousness, or do they
keep it closed off to new ideas?
Where did you get your beliefs? Did you
develop your own set of beliefs based on your
learning and your experience, or did you borrow the
beliefs that authority figures told you that you
should adopt? Are they the result of your own
thinking and your own judgment, or are they the
result of wanting to fit in and be part of a certain
group of people?
If we want our beliefs to be a positive part of our
lives, then we need to be fully aware of what they
are, where they came from, and how they affect
us. Or, on the other hand, we can decide to
use the words "I don't know" much more
often, and refuse to adopt beliefs until we know
enough about something to make up our minds about
it. Because a very important question to ask
ourselves is very simple: Do I really need to
have a belief about this?
Patient
people enjoy the pleasure of saying to whoever
is feeling
anxious
about delays--restaurant servers, clerks
waiting on
the telephone to get
your credit card verified, dry
cleaners
who were sure your sweater would
be ready--"It's
okay. These things happen." Patience, in a rushed world,
is a
shared relief. Witnesses to patient transactions,
as well as
participants, all get to calm down.
One of the
great heroes of Tibetan Buddhism, a man called Milarepa, once
encountered a host of demons bent on driving him mad with
fear. Some of them he chased away. Others he tamed
with his huge compassion. But the biggest, meanest,
ugliest monster of all simply would not leave until Milarepa,
acting either on his profound intuition or a drug overdose,
walked straight up to it and lay down in its mouth. As it
swallowed him, the demon disappeared, and Milarepa achieved
enlightenment.
Whenever you are contemplating a risk that is necessary to
achieve your heart's desires, there will come a time when the
only options are to live with a demon spirit--the ghost of a
hope that will not leave you and will not die--or walk right
into the thing that terrifies you most. After going
through it a few times, you'll recognize such situations sooner,
and walk toward the monster with less uncertainty. Oh,
you'll still be scared. If you're doing something really
important, you'll be scared beyond description. But you'll
also feel the yearning to go on, fear or no fear. You'll
find that you can take that sweetness into the most dangerous
undertakings, and that just as your terror destroys the person
you used to be, someone stronger and braver always
appears. It really doesn't matter what risk you take.
Martha Beck The
Joy Diet
Tolerance
is understanding. It is open to new light.
Those who are tolerant are always eager to explore
viewpoints other than their own.
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
Explore all of our
quotations pages--these links will take you to the first page of each
topic, and those pages will contain links to any additional pages on
the same topic (there are five pages on adversity, for example).
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