quotes and sayings on expectations, an obstacle to living life fully

expectations

What did you expect? That's a question that we hear quite often, for it's pretty common for us to enter into certain situations with a set of expectations that truly don't match the situation, expectations that are bound to lead to disappointment when they aren't met. When you gave that gift, did you expect a certain type of "thank you" that you didn't get? When you started that book, did you expect a certain story and get something else? In both cases, much of our disappointment or frustration is due more to our unfulfilled expectations than it is due to what actually happened.

Many people will tell us that we have a right to certain expectations. If we help someone out, we can expect a thank you, and we can feel righteous indignation when we don't get it. When we walk into a store, we can expect the people who work there to treat us in certain ways, and we're justified in being upset if they don't do so. The problem, though, is that even though we may have certain justification in expecting certain things, those expectations can most definitely cause us to feel frustrated and disappointed when they're not fulfilled, and we're actually the ones causing those negative feelings when they show up, not the people whom we're blaming for them.

The Buddha understood this concept well. He said that much of our suffering is caused by attachment, and much of our attachment is a result of us feeling that certain things should happen in certain ways--we're attached to outcomes, and when the outcomes are other than what we expect them to be, we suffer mentally and emotionally.

As a teacher, of course, it's difficult for me to balance things I need to have expectations of--like students' papers--and expectations that I need to let go of. I approach this dilemma by allowing grades to speak for themselves, in a way, to let students know where they stand with their writing, for example. I try not to expect certain things from certain students, but to respond to their work with an objective and accurate assessment of its quality. That keeps me from feeling disappointed when students don't "perform" to certain levels.

We face the same problems with our children when we're parents--just how realistic are our expectations of our kids? When we expect them to act in certain ways in certain situations, are those expectations realistic, or are they reflections of what we think other people expect from our kids? If we ask them to take out the trash, is it realistic to expect it to happen in two minutes if we don't specify a time frame? Much friction between parents and children is caused by unrealistic or unspecified expectations on the part of the parents, as opposed to kids not doing what they're "supposed" to do.

And there are certain expectations that simply make sense. If the store lists its hours as 8-8, then I should realistically expect the store to open at 8 a.m., no? Try standing outside a store that's opening ten minutes late, and see the frustration on the faces and bodies of the people waiting. Is that frustration caused by the late opening, or by the unfulfilled expectation of an eight o'clock opening?

Positive expectations are the mark of the superior personality.

Brian Tracy

Another thing I learned in Asia that I'd like to give you, which
may be pretty far out for some people, and if it is, discard it: Rid
yourself of expectations. Buddha once said a magical thing. He
had a way of saying a lot of magical things, very simply. He said,
"When you cease expecting, you have all things." That is wondrous.
"When you cease expecting, you have all things." If you go around
doing your thing without expectation, then you already have
everything you need. If they do give you something in return, you
take it with open arms. It should always come as a surprise. But if
you expect a response and it comes, it's a bore. Cease expecting,
and you have all things. Take whatever people give you. If you
appreciate it, hug it, kiss it, and take it in joy, but don't expect it.
If you want pain, just go around with expectations. People are
not here to meet your expectations.

Leo Buscaglia
Living, Loving, and Learning

We have expectations about everything in life. We expect that
something will come in the mail, that we're going to have a fantastic
vacation, that a stock will rise 40 percent by January, that the new
people in our lives are going to do wonderful things for us, that our
children will succeed in life. By projecting these expectations, we're
attempting to order reality. Not only are we proclaiming how reality
should be but we're also deciding that we know
what is best for us.
This is the height of egotism. Ego or I-ness cuts us off from our
Source and separates us from our Higher Power. The force of ego
is about making its own mountain for all the world to see,
and standing tall at its summit.

Michael Goddart
Bliss

Does your reality match your expectations? If not,
it's time to change either your expectations or your reality.

Steven Redhead
The Solution

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To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--
there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.

Joan Didion

I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and
values--and follow my own moral compass--then the only
expectations I need to live up to are my own.

Michelle Obama

Social media, unfortunately, just makes it a lot easier to be jealous.
It sets up false expectations of reality, so it's really easy to look at
someone else's life online and assume that they have everything
going great for them and that their life is perfect.

Franchesca Ramsey

Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity,
and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are
not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes
every day and every decade worth looking forward to.

Greg Anderson

I try not to listen to the shoulds or coulds, and try to get beyond
expectations, peer pressure, or trying to please - and just listen.
I believe all the answers are ultimately within us.

Kim Cattrall

Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations
about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress
management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient
to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.

Marilu Henner

Every day, sometimes every hour, we are consciously and unconsciously setting expectations of ourselves and the people in our lives--especially those closest to us. The unconscious, unexamined, and unexpressed expectations are the most dangerous and often turn into disappointment. In fact, the research tells us that disappointment is one of the most frequently experienced emotions, and it tends to be experienced at a high level of intensity. When we develop expectations, we paint a picture in our head of how things are going to be and how they're going to look. Sometimes we go so far as to imagine how they're going to feel, taste, and smell. That picture we paint in our minds holds great value for us. We set expectations based not only on how we fit into that picture, but also on what those around us are doing in that picture. That means that our expectations are often set on outcomes totally beyond our control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they're going to react. The movie in our mind is wonderful, but no one else knows their parts, their lines, or what it means to us.

When the picture or movie fails to play out in real life, we feel disappointed. And sometimes that disappointment is severe and brings shame and hurt and anger with it. It's a setup for us and for the people involved. Disappointment takes a toll on us and our relationships.

Brené Brown
Atlas of the Heart

If you paint in your mind a picture of bright and happy expectations,
you put yourself into a condition conducive to your goal.

Norman Vincent Peale

You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting
impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find
the happiness that has always eluded you.

Lisa Kleypas
Love in the Afternoon

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.

Donald Miller
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Set the standard! Stop expecting others to show you love,
acceptance, commitment, & respect when you
don't even show that to yourself.

Steve Maraboli
Unapologetically You

"Oh, Marilla, looking forward to things is half the pleasure of them,"
exclaimed Anne. "You mayn’t get the things themselves; but nothing can
prevent you from having the fun of looking forward to them. Mrs. Lynde
says, ‘Blessed are they who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.’
But I think it would be worse to expect nothing than to be disappointed."

Lucy Maud Montgomery
Anne of Green Gables

I hope you do not let anyone else's expectations direct the course of your life.

Julianne Donaldson
Edenbrooke

If you expect nothing, you can never be disappointed.
Apart from a few starry-eyed poets or monks living
on a mountaintop somewhere, however, we all have
expectations. We not only have them, we need them.
They fuel our dreams, our hopes, and our lives like
some super-caffeinated energy drink.

Tonya Hurley
Homecoming

when you let go of your expectations, when you accept life as it is,
you're free.To hold on is to be serious and uptight. To let go is to lighten up.

Richard Carlson
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff