28 July 2025         

   

It's the time of the week for our newest e-zine, so here it is!
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Don't Take Anything Personally
Don Miguel Ruiz

There Is No Education like Adversity
Harvey Mackay

Hurting Each Other
tom walsh

   
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Simple and Profound Thoughts
(from Simple and Profound)

My view is that to sit back and let fate play its hand out and never influence it is not the way people were meant to operate.    - John Glenn

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg.    -Good Reading

People often mistake notoriety for fame, and would rather be remarked for their vices and follies than not be noticed at all.    - Harry S. Truman

The question we do not see when we are young is whether we own pride or are owned by it.    - Josephine Johnson

   

  

Don't Take Anything Personally
Don Miguel Ruiz

The next three agreements are really born from the first agreement.  The second agreement is don't take anything personally.

Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally.  Using an earlier example, if I see you on the street and I say, "Hey, you are so stupid," without knowing you, it's not about you; it's about me.  If you take it personally, perhaps you believe you are stupid.  Maybe you think to yourself, "How does he know?  Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?"

You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said.  As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell.  What causes you to be trapped is what we call personal importance.  Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me."  During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally.  We think we are responsible for everything.  Me, me, me, always me!

Nothing other people do is because of you.  It is because of themselves.  All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.  When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.  What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.  Their point of view comes from all the programming they received during domestication.

If someone gives you an opinion and says, "Hey, you look so fat," don't take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions.  That person tried to send poison to you and if you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours.  Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians.  They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up.

You eat all their emotional garbage, and now it becomes your garbage.  But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell.  Immunity to poison in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.

When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts.  You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong.  You also try hard to be right by giving them your own opinions.  In the same way, whatever you feel and do is just a projection of your own personal dream, a reflection of your own agreements.  What you say, what you do and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made--and these opinions have nothing to do with me.

It is not important to me what you think about me, and I don't take what you think personally.  I don't take it personally when people say, "Miguel, you are the best," and I also don't take it personally when they say, "Miguel, you are the worst."  I know that when you are happy you will tell me, "Miguel, you are such an angel!"  But, when you are mad at me you will say, "Oh, Miguel, you are such a devil!  You are so disgusting.  How can you say those things?"  Either way, it does not affect me because I know what I am.  I don't have the need to be accepted.  I don't have the need to have someone tell me, "Miguel, you are doing so good!" or "How dare you do that!"

No, I don't take it personally.  Whatever you think, whatever you feel, I know is your problem and not my problem.  It is the way you see the world.  It is nothing personal, because you are dealing with yourself, not with me.  Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them.

You may even tell me, "Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me."  But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said.  You are hurting yourself.  There is no way that I can take this personally.  Not because I don't believe in you or don't trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes, with your eyes.  You create an entire picture or movie in your mind, and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer, you are the main actor or actress.  Everyone else is a secondary actor or actress.  It is your movie.

The way that you see that movie is according to the agreements you have made with life.  Your point of view is something personal to you.  It is no one's truth but yours.  Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself.  I am the excuse for you to get mad.  And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear.  If you are not afraid, there is no way you will get mad at me.  If you are not afraid, there is no way you will hate me.  If you are not afraid, there is no way you will be jealous or sad.

If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of these emotions.  If you don't feel any of those emotions, it is logical that you will feel good.  When you feel good, everything around you is good.  When everything around you is good, everything makes you happy.  You are loving everything that is around you, because you are loving yourself.  Because you like the way you are.  Because you are content with you.  Because you are happy with your life.  You are happy with the movie you are producing, happy with your agreements with life.  You are at peace, and you are happy.  You live in that state of bliss where everything is so wonderful, and everything is so beautiful.  In that state of bliss you are making love all the time with everything that you perceive.

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There Is No Education like Adversity
Harvey Mackay

One school of business studied 400 executives who had made it to the top and compared them to 400 who fell by the wayside during their careers.  The idea was to discover how those who became successful differed from those who didn't.

Education was not the key factor because high school dropouts were running companies, while some MBAs were slamming into dead ends.  Experience?  Then those at the top should have been older, and that wasn't the case.  Technical skills, social skills and dozens of other career-related variables were examined as well.  Those factors didn't provide the explanation either.

What is the only single quality that distinguished those who made it from those who did not?  They persevered.

Adversity will come to every person at some time.  How you meet it, what you make of it, what you allow it to take from you and give to you, is determined by your mental habits.  In short, you have to take the cards in life that are dealt to you.

You can train your mind to face life's toughest challenges-and it is especially important to develop this habit before you actually need it. 

Little children get their first lesson with "The Little Engine that Could."

Faced with pulling many train cars up an enormous hill, larger engines refused to attempt it.  Finally, a small engine agrees to try, repeating the mantra,

"I-think-I-can, I-think-I-can."  After reaching the crest, the little engine triumphantly chugs:

"I-thought-I-could, I-thought-I-could."

I'd like to alter the story a bit for the grown-up crowd.  Change the chant to:

"I-know-I-can, I-know-I-can!"

Adversity can actually be a positive thing, even though it certainly doesn't feel like it when we are facing it.  Adversity is what defines us.  It is easy to have a great attitude, a strong work ethic and a positive outlook when things are going great.  But how do we stand up during tough times?

Consider the following phenomenal achievements of famous people who experienced severe adversity:

- When Bob Dylan performed at his high school talent show, classmates booed him off the stage.

- Walt Disney experienced both bankruptcy and a tragic nervous breakdown and still made it to the top of the mountain.

- President Harry S. Truman went broke in the men's clothing store he started.

- Sir Walter Raleigh wrote the "History of the World" during a 13-year imprisonment.

- Martin Luther translated the Bible while enduring confinement in the Castle of Wartburg.

- Dante wrote the "Divine Comedy" while under a sentence of death and during 20 years in exile.

- Handicapped at birth, Helen Keller was not able to speak, hear or see during her long life, yet she became a famous author and worldwide celebrity for her charm and wisdom.

We must push through the adversity we face.  If we don't, we will be poorly prepared for winning.  People are successful because they face adversity head on to gain strength and skill.  They don't take the path of least resistance.  Adversity is a powerful teacher.

President Abraham Lincoln said, "My great concern is not whether you have failed but whether you are content with your failure."  And few people failed in early life as much as Lincoln, yet he is regarded as one of our greatest presidents.

When you get discouraged, when you cannot seem to make it, there is one thing that you cannot do without.  It is that priceless ingredient of success called relentless effort.  You must never give up.  Success cannot be achieved without experiencing some adversity.

An Asian saying advises, "When fate throws a dagger at you, there are only two ways to catch it, either by the blade or by the handle."

There was an old farmer who had suffered through a lifetime of troubles and afflictions that would have leveled an ordinary mortal.  But through it all he never lost his sense of humor.

"How have you managed to keep so happy and serene?" asked a friend.

"It ain't hard," said the old fellow with a twinkle in his eye.  "I've just learned to cooperate with the inevitable."

"Cooperating with the inevitable" enables us to catch adversity by the handle, thereby using it as the tool that it was intended to be.

Mackay's Moral:  Adversity causes some people to break and others to break records.

* * * * *

Copyright  Your Achievement Ezine

Unloving Situations
Iyanla Vanzant

It is not loving to stay in a place or an experience where you are happy sometimes, sad most of the time.  It is not loving to convince yourself that it is okay to stay in a place where you are not loved, honored, and valued the way your heart tells you you deserve to be.  It is not self-loving, or is it loving to others involved, to allow yourself to be mentally, emotionally, or physically abused in hope that things can, or will, get better.  When you participate in actions and activities that are not loving toward you, you are helping them do things that hurt you, and that is not a loving thing to do.

It is easy to convince yourself that you must stay where you are because you have no place else to go; or because you know things could be worse, or because you know things could get better.  It is easy to overlook things that eat away at your sense of self, your sense of value, your sense of well-being.  As easy as it may be to blame someone else, to try to ignore what you feel, to call your pain a sacrifice for love, you are not being loving or wise to do so.  Eventually, you will be held responsible for everything you experience and how you have responded to it.

Love does not ask us to lose ourselves, harm ourselves, or sacrifice ourselves for its sake.  Love offers to us, measure for measure, what we offer it.  If you are being dishonored, disrespected, physically harmed for the love you give, you must ask yourself, "Am I really giving love, or am I simply afraid to leave?"

Until today, you may have participated in being unloving toward yourself.  Just for today, allow yourself to stand in the truth, honor and peace of love.  Ask yourself, "Am I receiving all that I am giving?"  If not, ask yourself, "Why not?"

Today I am devoted to loving myself, honoring myself,
and removing myself from unloving experiences.

  

Living Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a place
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from them what you will, and disagree with whatever you disagree
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Time is a flowing river.  Happy those who allow
themselves to be carried, unresisting, with the current.
They float through easy days.  They live, unquestioning,
in the moment.

Christopher Morley

   

 
Hurting Each Other

We seem to live in a world in which hurting each other is the order of the day, especially if we're talking about someone who disagrees with us about something that's important to us.  We seem to have lost the ability to put ourselves in others' shoes, to consider what they may be thinking or going through, to disagree with them without mocking them or their ideas or their standpoints.  Social media have become battlegrounds for many people, places that they use to mock and belittle anyone who disagrees with them.

Of course, when we have people in public office who model this type of behavior, it's very easy to fall into it ourselves.  When we see others attacking instead of engaging, belittling instead of encouraging, it can easily become a norm, especially in our subconscious minds.  Once that happens, we find it quite easy to behave in the same ways.

But insulting other people is still insulting others.  I find it amazing to see posts that are incredibly offensive, to which someone has replied, "This offends me."  Instead of reflecting on why that person may be offended, though, the original poster very often says things like, "You need to lighten up," or "You're too sensitive."  The term "snowflake" more than likely originated when someone wanted to offend someone else who had called them on their offensive comments or posts.*
   

Unless we give part of ourselves away, unless we can live
with other people and understand them and help them,
we are missing the most essential part of our own lives.

Harold Taylor

   
It's one thing to witness such behaviors, though, and to try to learn from them, and another thing completely to adopt them and allow ourselves to become people who hurt instead of encourage, who demean rather than support, who attack rather than educate.

In my own world, I try very hard to encourage as much as I can, though I also do my best to try to contribute to the positive in the world.  Sometimes, though, this means confronting the negative, or the negative or false information that some people spread in order to try to make others afraid.  I find it almost impossible to tolerate, for example, Facebook posts that tell lies about a certain group of people in order to make others afraid of them.  When I see such lies, I confront them, and I do my best to provide documentation that the information being presented is actually untrue.  It's one thing to tell someone that they're wrong, and quite another to tell someone that they're wrong and provide them with accurate information so that they can see quite clearly why they're wrong.

I'm not always very good at it--some of the lies that I see are simply infuriating, and very obviously designed to harm someone else quite deeply.  It's hard to respond compassionately when someone else is trying to harm someone because of their race or gender or sexual orientation or their nationality.  It's important, though, that I do my best to give a measured response that doesn't attack the person, but that lets someone know that the information involved is false and harmful.  Instead of saying something offensive myself like "Only an idiot would post something so stupid," I try to use language that's clear and direct and uncompromising, such as "Spreading this type of inaccurate information can be extremely harmful to many people; here's an article that shows exactly why this information is false."
    

Culture makes people understand each other better. And if they
understand each other better in their soul, it is easier to overcome
the economic and political barriers. But first they have to
understand that their neighbor is, in the end, just like them,
with the same problems, the same questions.

Paulo Coelho

    
The truth of the matter is that we’re all trying our best to get by, to do what's right based on what we believe to be right.  Your right and my right may be two different things.  I'm not going to change anyone's mind about the lies that they've helped to spread by insulting them and belittling their own efforts to make sense of this world.  Perhaps they may be misguided--I know plenty of parents who are teaching their children some very dangerous ways of looking at the world, and I have no idea what other people's parents have taught them.

One of my biggest pet peeves, though, comes to light in what's happening at the demonstrations and riots that are happening all across the country, especially focused on the Black Lives Matter movement.  I see post after post complaining about the protesters because of the violence and destruction that have occurred in some of the cities, but the blame and the anger tend to be misplaced.

It's pretty common knowledge that very often, when there's a peaceful protest, others who don't care a bit about the cause the protesters are focused on will use the distraction of the protest in order to cause mayhem or even to loot stores.  There's a huge difference between protesters and rioters, and the rioters often use the protests as a distraction to do what they're going to do.

People like to simplify matters, though.  And for some people, this simplification is necessary, no matter how wrong it is.  They see the headlines about protesters and the headlines about looting and rioting, and they lump the two together just because they were happening at the same time in the same city.  The truth is, though, that the vast majority of protests on most matters is quite peaceful; they're only made to look bad because of the actions of the rioters.
   

You know, we're all going in the same direction, or at least
trying to.  So we need to live together, get along together,
and give each other enough space to be comfortable on that road.

Lillian Gideon

   
The problem happens when people attack the protesters for being violent, when they show pictures of looting and attribute it to the protesters.  When they do this, they're adding to a huge problem--people come to equate protesting peacefully with violent acts, and that's a misconception that helps none of us.  In fact, some groups actually send in their own people to commit violence during protests with the express purpose of causing this misconception to be perpetuated.

When I see this happen, I try to correct the error, though, and not attack the person--even if the person is attacking other people who simply haven't done what they're being accused of.  It's much  more effective in the long run to educate people than it is to cut them down; it's much more human to give them the benefit of the doubt, to believe that they've simply made a mistake, than it is to immediately assume that they have harmful motives.

There are too many people out there who are just fine hurting each other, and I don't want to add myself to that group.  While we definitely have an obligation to tell the truth and a responsibility to not allow harmful acts to go unchallenged, we also have a higher calling to err on the side of kindness, if indeed we do err.  Let's not contribute to the anger and hatred and vitriol of the world; rather, let's be people who try to spread healing and hope, people who are trying to bring others together so that we can work in harmony rather than people who are looking to divide others so that we might feel just a little bit better about ourselves because we see ourselves as superior to some other group.  Because the truth is that we're not superior; we may be different, but that doesn't make us "better."
   
   
*[The term "snowflake has] developed a new and decidedly less pleasant use as a disparaging term for a person who is seen as overly sensitive and fragile. In the lead-up to the 2016 U.S. elections it was lobbed especially fiercely by those on the right side of the political spectrum at those on the left. (https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/the-less-lovely-side-of-snowflake)
   
   

   

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Only an open mind still has room for new knowledge.  What is outgrown
and used up must be discarded to make room for what is yet to be learned.
And much of the best thinking is done alone--in deserts, on beaches,
in bed, behind closed doors.  It is why we say we need to get away--to
escape from clutter and busyness--to hear ourselves think.

Robert Fulghum

  

Because it is possible to create--creating one’s self, willing to be one’s self, as well as creating in all the innumerable daily activities (and these are two phases of the same process)--one has anxiety.  One would have no anxiety if there were no possibility whatever.  Now creating, actualizing one’s possibilities, always involves negative as well as positive aspects.  It always involves destroying the status quo, destroying old patterns within oneself, progressively destroying what one has clung to from childhood on, and creating new and original forms and ways of living.  If one does not do this, one is refusing to grow, refusing to avail oneself of one's possibilities; one is shirking his or her responsibility to him- or herself.  Hence refusal to actualize one’s possibilities brings guilt toward one’s self.  But creating also means destroying the status quo of one’s environment, breaking the old forms; it means producing something new and original in human relations as well as in cultural forms (e.g., the creativity of the artist).  Thus every experience of creativity has its potentiality of aggression or denial toward other persons in one’s environment or established patterns within one’s self.  To put the matter figuratively, in every experience of creativity something in the past is killed that something new in the present may be born.  Hence, for Kierkegaard, guilt feeling is always a concomitant of anxiety: both are aspects of experiencing and actualizing possibility.  The more creative the person, he held, the more anxiety and guilt are potentially present.

Rollo May

   

  

Learning to forgive is much more useful than merely picking up
a stone and throwing it at the object of one's anger; the more so
when the provocation is extreme.  For it is under the greatest
adversity that there exists the greatest potential for doing good,
both for yourself and others.

The Dalai Lama

    

  

Yes, life can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's actually rather dependable and reliable.  Some principles apply to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning.  I use it a lot when I teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.  What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or generous, compassionate or arrogant?  In this book, I've done my best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life, writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.  Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too!
Universal Principles of Living Life Fully.  Awareness of these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration out of the lives we lead.

   
   
    

   

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