Our
newest day and our newest week are here right now,
and we're
faced with many choices as to what we can do to make
this day and
this week very special. What can we
give? Whom can we listen to?
How can we lighten our own hearts and spirits?
From the deck upstairs, I could hear him crying, sobbing
really. It was early evening, and my son, Sammy, six
years old at the time, was playing in his sandbox down the
hill.
"Don't run down there," my husband David
warned. "The doctor said if you do, he'll
manipulate you with the same tactics over and over. You
can't go running every time you hear him cry." But
I was his mother and I knew that this cry was different.
It was heart-breaking and, in some eerie way, familiar to me,
as if I had cried this way myself, many times.
I wandered down the steps toward the sandbox.
"Sammy, what's wrong?" I said, observing my little
boy sitting Indian-style in his sandbox with his tear-drenched
face dropped into his dirty little hands.
"Mommy, I just want to sit here and play," he
sobbed, "and not be afraid."
"Afraid? What are you afraid of?" I asked,
wiping his face with my sleeve.
"I'm afraid that hands will come out of the bushes.
I'm afraid of monsters and witches. I heard a noise over
there." He pointed to a tree whose leaves were
blowing gently in the wind.
I brushed
my hand through his soft, wind-blown hair. He looked up
at me and again he pleaded, "Mommy, I just want to sit
here and play and not be afraid."
In that moment I understood his fear, his overwhelming
obsession to look over his shoulder because something was
"out there," something that was going to get
him. I understood because I had spent a good part of my
own life living in fear; afraid of death and dying; afraid of
failure and success; afraid of relationships, commitments,
people's opinions, not being good enough, and the list goes
on.
"It's okay, Sammy," I said in my best
"mommy" voice. "You just relax and play and
I'll stay here with you. You're safe and nothing is
going to hurt you."
As I sat watching him, I thought how ironic it was that for
most of my life, I had wanted exactly what he wanted. I
just wanted to live my life and not be afraid. I wanted
to stop worrying, stop living in fear of what tomorrow would
bring. I wanted to stop obsessing about everything from
illness to embarrassment.
Sometimes it had seemed that my mind was spinning in endless
circles, imagining every worst-case scenario. I worried
about disease, dysfunction, and disaster. If the
situation didn't kill me, the worry surely would. Would
I catch what my friend had? Would my father's alcoholism
ruin my life? Would the world come to an end? I
was afraid that danger lurked just around the next corner, and
I couldn't relax and play. My fears clouded
everything. They kept me from doing things I wanted to
do, and even when I did them, fear was always lurking in the
back of my mind.
I watched Sammy let go and lose himself in the moment,
soothing himself with gentle humming sounds. I thought
about the parallels between this moment and my life.
Sammy's fears were unrealistic, but then, so were most of
mine. He needed to learn to trust his surroundings,
comfort himself, and stay in the moment. And so did I.
How many hours, days, and weeks had I wasted in my life, how
many vacations or nights out had I destroyed worrying about
something that never came to be? How many wonderful
opportunities had I let pass because I was too exhausted from
fear and the insecurity that accompanied it to go after them?
It was interesting to watch Sammy relax and trust that I would
do the "watching out." I would look over his
shoulder. He handed all that fear to me to hold, and now
he could enjoy the present moment, fully and completely.
Who can do this for me? I thought. Who
can make me feel safe and protected? Who can reassure
me, tell me that nothing will hurt me, and help me put my
worries and fears into a healthy perspective? I can,
and I have. . . and I will. And so can you.
It seems that no matter how hard we try to overcome fear,
everyone is afraid of something. Life is a fabulous
adventure, but from the most powerful people in the world to
those who work quietly and privately in their communities, we
all are afraid of something and we suffer from our programmed
responses to it. . . .
You are in control of yourself and your fears. You have
chosen to free yourself of all destructive fears and
doubts. You know you can master your fears, no matter
what they are. You are learning to trust the process of
life. You are releasing your need to control things that
cannot be controlled. You are safe and protected from
anything that stops you from fulfilling your mission.
You know that your fears come from lack of knowledge and
trust.
Discovering and challenging your fears boosts your energy
rather than drains you. You relax in the knowledge that
you can handle whatever life sends your way. You take
full responsibility for your life. You let go and trust
that life is happening exactly as it was meant to. Now
you simply allow your life to unfold.
You are powerful and loving, and you know that you have
nothing to fear. When you feel afraid, you focus on your
strengths. Each day, you courageously expand your
comfort zone by inviting in new kinds of risk. You find
value in challenging your fears, no matter how difficult it
is. You choose to dissipate the vagueness of fear by
focusing on a world of infinite beauty and joy.
This
is a nice song--the video's not very imaginative or
creative, but the song is caring and heartfelt. I
know that not everyone has a family that is kind and
supportive (I never had one, for example), but if you
don't, keep looking--there's a family out there for you,
and it doesn't have to be the one you're born into!
My wife's family and my family in Germany have been very
kind and very loving and very helpful. Be
patient--there is a family out there for you! Aldous
Huxley said that we're not necessarily born into the
families we most belong in, and I've learned over the
years that he's very, very right!
And I love the wonderfully cheerful sound of this song!
Family
Catey Shaw
I am going back to my sister's house Through the mountains to the place Where I know I can take my weary
soul and smile at a familiar face
And the roof that I'm standing on feels like an airplane City streets below me moving far
away What I wouldn't give to be there now I'll find my way to you somehow
So give me a blanket for my cold cold heart You know that I've travelled far And I'll give you back a warm warm
hide To keep with you when we're apart
We're family Family We're family Family
Sure I spent one long year since I've been down here Running in a concrete race Where I'm lonely but far from alone Just longing for a slower pace
And the roof that I'm standing on won't hide me from the
rain But I know that I will see you all
again What I wouldn't give to be there now I'll find my way to you somehow
So give me a blanket for my cold cold heart You know that I've traveled far And I'll give you back a warm warm
hide To keep with you when we're apart
We're family Family We're family Family
We
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You cannot tell other people what
to do! You can tell them what you have done and how you did
it. You can encourage them in what they are doing by sharing
with them your experiences in similar situations, under similar
circumstances. However, you should hold all this information in
reserve until they ask for it. When they ask, if they ask,
remember they trust you and respect you. What you say can have a
tremendous effect on what they do. Put your fears and judgments
aside and speak with a loving heart.
Until you have walked someone else's path, stumbled over the stones,
fallen into the ditches and pits, felt the sunshine on your face,
found your way to new paths and on new roads, you cannot tell another
person what to do! Until you have fallen, gotten up and
navigated the path they are on, you really don't know what can
happen. You cannot tell them about the challenges and victories
that lie ahead of them. They are not yours to tell! They
are not yours to know! For each of us, there are things we must
see and things we must do. There are falls we must take and
things we must learn in the process of rising up from a fall. If
you try to tell someone about a path you have not walked, either they
will not be able to hear you, or you could send them off in the wrong
direction.
Until today, you may have thought you were being helpful when you told
other people what to do. You may have tried to steer them in the
right direction. Or you may have been trying to steer them away
from harm. Just for today, don't tell anyone what to do!
Share your experiences, your insights, your understanding, but
acknowledge that all paths are not the same. When you are
sharing information about your path, always be sure to leave enough
room for the other person to make up their own mind.
Living
Life Fully, the e-zine
exists to try to provide for visitors of the world wide web a
place
of growth, peace, inspiration, and encouragement. Our
articles
are presented as thoughts of the authors--by no means do
we
mean to present them as ways that anyone has to live
life. Take
from them what you will, and disagree with
whatever you disagree
with--just know that they'll be here for you
each week.
I suddenly realized how grateful I was for the
absence of pain
in my feet.
Then I started ticking off other absences for
which
I was grateful--
the absence of certain very difficult people in
my life, the absence of feelings
of resentment toward those
who have "wronged" me, the absence of feelings
of loss
for relationships and things long gone--and on and on.
We have such a range of gratitude possibilities.
The sun has risen once more,
and I'm still here. And I was able to wake up this morning,
and I'm able to walk and eat and talk and think, so things are
looking really good so far. I had a bowl of cereal for
breakfast, and I really like both cereal and milk, so that was a
nice way to start the day. I also had a very good english
muffin and coffee, both of which I really like, too, so things are
even better.
What can get in my way of having a good day today? Those
would be my fears and the stress that they cause me. Those
would be my worries about things that may happen, but probably
won't. Those would be my fears about the results that will
come about if they do happen. At this point--as in all
points of the day--my thinking will go a long way towards
determining what kind of day I'm able to make this.
And I know that those last few words express the most important
element of this particular day in my life--I will make it into
what it becomes, and I'm not a passive victim who simply waits to
see what life will throw at me.
So I have a day today. If I want to, I can spend the day
fulfilling a project or three. I'm working on writing a
novel, so I can spend time continuing to do that. If I do
so, I have to remember that it's solitary work, and my choice to
work on the novel necessarily precludes a lot of contact with
other people. The novel is very important to me, though, so
it's a sacrifice that I'm often willing to make. If I do so,
though, I can't complain about the lack of contact with others on
this day, because I've chosen to do something that keeps me
alone. It would be the same if I decided to clean the house
or organize paperwork or other such solitary work: I've made
the work a part of my day, and the solitude goes with it.
I expect to pass through the world
but once. Any good
therefore that I can do,
or any
kindness or abilities that
I can show to any fellow
creature,
let me do it
now. Let me
not defer or neglect
it, for I shall not pass this way again.
William Penn
I can also
devise little projects of my own to carry out.
Perhaps this would be a good day to spread
compliments, so I can make the choice early on to
share sincere compliments with as many people as
possible today. Compliments are free to give,
so they won't cost me anything at all, and as long
as they're sincere and I don't overdo it, they can
bring great benefit to the people who will receive
them.
I can also share things with other people. I
can anonymously leave a small chocolate bar on
someone's desk, or I can put a book that I've
finished somewhere that someone else can find it and
take it to read. I can even vow to smile more
this day, sharing that part of myself with other
people who may be positively affected by something
as simple as a smile.
On this day, I can also decide very early on how I'm
going to respond when something possibly negative
happens. Am I going to get upset and angry, or
am I going to take any incident in stride, realizing
that things happen sometimes, and that how I react
to them determines to a great deal the quality of
the day I'm living today? So much of it is
completely up to me and the ways that I do things.
You wake
up in the morning, and lo! your purse is magically filled
with twenty-four hours of the unmanufactured tissue of
the
universe of your life. It is yours. It is the most
precious of
possessions. No one can take it from you. It
is unstealable.
And no one receives either more or less
than you receive.
Arnold Bennett
Today I can
spend listening instead of talking. If I
commit myself to doing so in the morning, then I can
spend the day making sure that I hear what people
are saying to me, both in their words and between
their words. If I'm constantly thinking about
what I'm going to say, then there really is no way
that I'm going to understand what others are trying
to tell me.
Today I can organize paperwork. I often let
tasks like this build up until they're almost
daunting, and I always have to find some time during
some today to ge them done. And when I do get
them done, I feel a strong sense of relief and
accomplishment. They're not always that easy
for me, but they are important to get done. Do you have similar projects that would benefit from
some amount of time dedicated to them?
I have an entire day to add a little something to
the website, be it a quotation or two on a
particular page or something more substantial.
And I don't need to know if anyone ever reads what I
put on there today--the important thing is to get it
on the site and to make it available for anyone who
may want to read it eventually. When we can
reach a point at which we don't worry about having
to see concrete results of our work, our lives
become much richer and fuller.
We know nothing of tomorrow; our business
is
to be good and happy today.
Sydney Smith
So what can you
do today? What positive contributions can you
make to your fellow human beings on the particular
day? What things can you do in your own life
that will keep you working towards specific goals
and outcomes? Life tends to become much easier
when we actually are working towards something, and
when we have some sort of plan for each day. I
have problems in my life, I have difficult
situations, I have conflicts that I really wish
would be resolved--but I also have today. And
it's just waiting for me to turn it into something
positive from the get-go, because it's easier to
maintain inertia than it is to turn something around
and then try to get it going. This day in my
life is my day, and I'm planning on giving to it all
the positive I can, while dealing with the negative
in hopefully positive ways.
I hope that your day, also, will be full of positive
moments of your creation, and that you make your day
a wonderful one!
All real and wholesome enjoyments possible to
people have been
just as possible to them since first they were
made of the earth
as they are now; and they are possible to them
chiefly in peace. To
watch the corn grow, and the blossoms set; to draw hard breath
over plowshare or spade; to read, to think, to love, to
hope: these are the things that make people happy.
Contentment is a balm, satisfaction is a friendly
embrace, but happiness
is a warm glow and tingle
that arise from the health of both mind and body.
We all want to be happy, yet how many of us can with
certainty declare
that we are? We all have
little happinesses that raise us up out of the mire
of our daily struggles. Perhaps we should be
content with these small gifts,
for the quality of
perfect happiness is an uncommon state.
This little caution is a warning to those whose life
is a perpetual search for
the perfect happiness--a
holy grail that requires an immense effort. It
is not
found in a clean bathroom, although the TV
commercials want us to think
so. Nor is it
found in money or health or friends or lovers or
travel or small
packages. These may lead to
small happinesses, and blessings on them all.
Perfect happiness is a well-regulated hierarchy of
spirit, mind, and body. The order is
important, and anything that disturbs that order
ruffles the
surface of the lake of happiness.
Unregulated desire, as the Buddha knew
so well, is a
heavy stone dropped into the lake; equally
disturbing is the
tendency to forget about the
spirit and to concentrate exclusively on the
mind or
the body. Perfect happiness is not to be found
in the leaps of
aerobic movement nor in the dense
concentration of scholarly research.
Yet we must not despair. Perfect happiness is
our birthright--it is
only that we must work at it.
I
feel with some passion that what we truly are is private, and almost
infinitely
complex, and ambiguous, and both external and internal, and double-
or triple-
or multiply natured, and largely mysterious even to ourselves; and
furthermore
that what we are is only part of us, because identity, unlike
"identity," must
include what we do. And I think that to find oneself and every
aspect of this
complexity reduced in the public mind to one property that
apparently
subsumes all the rest ("gay," "black,
"Muslim," whatever) is to be the
victim of a piece of extraordinary intellectual vulgarity.
Philip Pullman
Yes, life
can be mysterious and confusing--but there's much of life that's
actually rather dependable and reliable. Some principles apply
to life in so many different contexts that they can truly be called
universal--and learning what they are and how to approach them and use
them can teach us some of the most important lessons that we've ever
learned.
My doctorate is in Teaching and Learning. I use it a lot when I
teach at school, but I also do my best to apply what I've learned to
the life I'm living, and to observe how others live their lives.
What makes them happy or unhappy, stressed or peaceful, selfish or
generous, compassionate or arrogant? In this book, I've done my
best to pass on to you what I've learned from people in my life,
writers whose works I've read, and stories that I've heard.
Perhaps these principles can be a positive part of your life, too! Universal Principles of Living Life Fully. Awareness of
these principles can explain a lot and take much of the frustration
out of the lives we lead.
™
