quotes, quotations and passages on

You yourself, as much as anybody
in the entire universe, deserve
your love and affection.

the Buddha

Note: I recognize that the title of this page is basically the same as the title of
the page on "self-love," but given our society's ways of differentiating between
the two topics, it seems like a good idea to have this page, also.

Unfortunately, many people operate like a thermometer. Instead of mercury, their self-esteem may rise and fall according to the "temperature" of other people's opinions of them. When others think highly of them, these people tend to feel good about themselves. When they are criticized, their opinion of themselves may drop to a low, cold level. . . . Many of us have been raised giving others a great deal of control over our feelings. But, as we grow, it's important to learn that how we feel about ourselves, in spite of the opinions of others, can be an essential ingredient of a happy life. If you allow people the power to set or adjust the thermostat of your self-esteem, you may find yourself at the mercy of their opinions. John Marks Templeton Worldwide Laws of Life

There's a lot of talk these days about giving children self-esteem. It's not something you can give; it's something they have to build. Coach Graham worked in a no-coddling zone. Self-esteem? He knew there was really only one way to teach kids how to develop it: You give them something they can't do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process. Randy Pausch The Last Lecture

Self-esteem cannot be sought as an end in itself but must come as a by-product of meeting standards of excellence--taking pride in work. . . learning about life and imparting that wisdom. Aaron Wildavsky

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. Maxwell Maltz

Self-esteem is quiet and confident; it doesn't need to boast and be
self-centered. True self-esteem empowers us to be loving and giving.
We needn't fear we'll become selfish if we honor our own excellence.
Actually, as we own ours, we do others a favor by encouraging them
to accept their excellence as well.

Sue Patton Thoele
The Courage to Be Yourself

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Self-esteem is an upward or downward spiral. What you do
affects the way you feel. How you feel affects the things
you do. The things you do affect what you and others think
of you, which in turn, affects how you feel about yourself.
You're either building yourself up or tearing yourself down.
There is no status quo when it comes to your self-image.

Michael Angier

Supply

I think people who lack self-esteem lack it because they haven't taken enough risks and haven't succeeded enough. Nobody can talk you into feeling good about yourself--you get the solid good feelings from success.

David K. Reynolds

Self-esteem is not a luxury; it is a profound spiritual need.

The virtues that self-esteem asks of us--living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, puposefulness, integrity--are also the virtues that life asks of us.

Nathaniel Branden
Self-Esteem Every Day

When we appreciate the true nature of self-esteem, we see that it is not competitive or comparative. It is not about making myself higher by making you lower. It has nothing to do with you. It is joy in my own being.

We tend to feel better about ourselves when we think that we are better
than others; we feel good about ourselves when others recognize that we
are good. Like peacocks, we have the tendency to flaunt our superior
beauty or intelligence or ability. And while there is nothing wrong with
wanting to be admired and respected—our nature is such that we care
about others’ opinions—this desire to flaunt can come at the expense of
other people. When, to feel superior, we make others feel inferior, we
hurt them (and, in the long run, ourselves). A healthy and stable self-esteem
cannot come at the expense of others’ self-esteem; a deep and lasting
positive regard for ourselves can only emerge from making
others feel better about themselves.

Tal Ben-Shahar
Choose the Life You Want

Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe
about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We
cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.

Iyanla Vanzant

As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are
by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster.
You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give
you that. You have to know who you are--what others say is irrelevant.

Nic Sheff

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble
but reasonable confidence in your own powers you
cannot be successful or happy.

Norman Vincent Peale

The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.

Robert Hand

I believe with all my heart that the clichés are true, that we are
our own best friends and best company, and that if you're not
right for yourself, it's impossible to be right for anyone.

Rachel Machacek
The Science of Single

You have a unique gift to offer this world. Be true to yourself, be kind
to yourself, read and learn about everything that interests you and keep
away from people who bring you down. When you treat yourself kindly and
respect the uniqueness of those around you, you will be giving
this world an amazing gift... YOU!

Steve Maraboli
Unapologetically You

You almost have to step outside yourself and look at you as if you were
someone else you really care about and really want to protect. Would
you let someone take advantage of that person? Would you let someone use
that person you really care about? Or would you speak up for them?
If it was someone else you care about, you'd say something. I know
you would. Okay, now put yourself back in that body. That person
is you. Stand up and tell 'em, "Enough!”

Queen Latifah
Put on Your Crown

With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism, and
accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until
he or she is incapable of judging a situation realistically. He or she
may begin to believe that there is something wrong with them
or even fear they are losing their mind. They have become
so beaten down emotionally that they blame
themselves for the abuse.

Beverly Engel
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

The way you think about yourself determines your reality. You are
not being hurt by the way people think about you. Many of those
people are a reflection of how you think about yourself.

Shannon L. Alder

If your parents’ faces never lit up when they looked at you, it’s hard
to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished. If you come
from an incomprehensible world filled with secrecy and fear, it’s
almost impossible to find the words to express what you have
endured. If you grew up unwanted and ignored, it is a major
challenge to develop a visceral sense of agency and self-worth.

Bessel A. van der Kolk
The Body Keeps the Score

I had always thought self-esteem was a state of being.
Now I realize it's the constant decision to love myself,
regardless of circumstances, all day long.

Mary Casey

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Healthy self-esteem isn't only about your ability to cope with the
challenges of life, but also about your right to enjoy the rewards--
your right to be happy and to feel pride in what you have accomplished.

Nathaniel Branden
Self-Esteem Every Day

In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone. True
self-esteem and true humility arise out of that realization.
In the eyes of the ego, self-esteem and humility are
contradictory. In truth, they are one and the same.

Eckhart Tolle
A New Earth

Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.

Nathaniel Branden
Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Some people stand and move as if they have no right to
the space they occupy. They wonder why others often fail
to treat them with respect--not realizing that they have signaled
others that it is not necessary to treat them with respect.

When we start being too impressed by the results of our work,
we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large
scoreboard where someone is listing the points to measure our
worth. And before we are fully aware of it, we have sold our soul
to the many grade-givers. That means we are not only in the world,
but also of the world. Then we become what the world makes us.
We are intelligent because someone gives us a high grade. We are
helpful because someone says thanks. We are likable because
someone likes us. And we are important because someone considers
us indispensable. In short, we are worthwhile because we have
successes. And the more we allow our accomplishments — the results
of our actions — to become the criteria of our self-esteem, the more
we are going to walk on our mental and spiritual toes, never sure if
we will be able to live up to the expectations which we created by our
last successes. In many people’s lives, there is a nearly diabolic chain
in which their anxieties grow according to their successes. This dark
power has driven many of the greatest artists into self-destruction.

Henri J.M. Nouwen
Out of Solitude

The most stable, and therefore, the most healthy self-esteem
is based on deserved respect from others rather than on
external fame or celebrity and unwarranted adulation.

Abraham Maslow